Almost two years ago, the right side of my body went numb for two months. It was the scariest time in my life to date. When you have no idea why this is happening, when you think that you could possibly have a brain tumour or neurological disease, it's terrifying. I spent most of those days in a fog. I tried not to panic but it was hard. My doctor thought maybe it could be Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and wanted me to go for an MRI.
The numbness went away and so did the urgency for an MRI. She kept me on the waiting list though, thinking it would be better just to get my brain scanned anyway. More than a year after my symptoms went away, they finally called me in for the test. (Gotta love Canadian healthcare. But I am truly thankful I didn't have to pay for it.) I endured the dread of being shoved into a dark tunnel (MRI's are no walk in the park, let me tell you) and then had to wait a month to hear anything. I knew they would find something. You can't have that kind of numbness in your body and not have some kind of issue with your brain.
They found 'lesions', or scar tissue on my brain. This meant that I'd had an attack (the numbness) and that it had healed itself (which is why the numbness went away). I was scared. My doctor set up an appointment with a neurologist but he couldn't tell me much. MS is really hard to diagnose. He needs me to go for a spinal tap so that is where I currently am in this journey. Waiting for a spinal tap and taking one day at a time.
During the two months that I was actually feeling (or not feeling, as the case may be) numbness, I did a lot of soul-searching. I cried and I prayed and I questioned God. The conclusion I came to is this: None of us are promised tomorrow. I only have today and it is a gift. Today I haven't officially been diagnosed with MS, and honestly, I may never be. Still, the what-ifs hover. But, today I can see, I can speak, I can walk, I can breathe, I am alive. Life is beyond precious. If there is anything I learned during those two months it is that I love my life. I have been abundantly blessed beyond anything that I deserve. If my future holds wheelchairs and medications, then I will be given the grace to walk through it. Because if there is one thing I know for sure, it's that God is faithful. He was with me when life felt so uncertain, He is with me now, and He will be with me always.
Life is hard, I fully believe this. Every single person is given a cross to bear. Each and every one of us will have something in our lives that makes us turn to God, of that I am certain. But everyone's cross is going to look different. I am not saying God causes hard things in our lives, but He doesn't always take them away. This world is broken, and so are we. The peace we can find though, is in knowing that there is something and Someone beyond ourselves. That there is a higher purpose, more than just the pain we experience. I've heard the analogy before of life as a tapestry. Right now, we can only see underneath the tapestry, with all the messy threads and the picture that doesn't make sense from the back. But above the tapestry, God is weaving a beautiful design and one day He will show us what He's been up to.
While I'm learning not to wallow in the negativity of life, I never want to be blind to the reality of pain. I think there is a balance to be had between being realistic about hardship, while finding a way to embrace it, or at least move through it in a positive way. For me, this means accepting what might be a possible diagnosis. Accepting, and then taking each day as it comes. I'm learning to be more mindful of what a gift each day really is.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8
Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free-wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself. -- C.S. Lewis
Showing posts with label food for thought. Show all posts
Showing posts with label food for thought. Show all posts
Thursday, 3 March 2016
Thursday, 7 January 2016
This is me
You might see me on social media and think I have it all together.
You would be wrong.
That picture I post of freshly baked cookies? You don't know that those were the six I didn't burn.
That picture I post of my smiling kids? You don't know that those smiles lasted all of thirty seconds in our day from hell.
That picture I posted of my kids having a picnic? You don't know that as soon as I posted it, I turned around and yelled at them.
That status I wrote that included a Bible verse? You don't know that I had to post it because that day, that week, I was hanging on to God's promises by a mere thread.
That status I wrote about how great my kids did on their tests? You don't know the months of cajoling and tears and fighting it got to get there.
That encouraging post I shared? You don't know how desperately my own soul needed it.
That picture I posted of us on our family vacation? You don't know that most of the week I complained and the kids fought and we all wondered why we bothered.
That post I shared about homeschooling? You don't know that every single day I second guess our decision to home-educate.
That gorgeous scenery picture of my backyard? You don't know that I have mice crawling through my walls, cobwebs in my corners, dirt in my sink.
That picture of the meal I posted? You don't know that it's the only 'real' meal I served my family all week.
You don't know that I cry, that I yell, that I complain on a regular basis. That I find parenting difficult.
I claim to have faith in God, yet I struggle with anxiety.
You don't know that my kids fight, that they say hateful things to me and their siblings.
You don't know that my husband and I, although we have a good marriage, have fought so hard to get here. There have been days of wondering, hours of tears, lots of not-understanding, years of up-and-down. Lulls, boredom, anger.
You don't know that I could possibly be diagnosed with MS this year. That I struggle to figure out why. That although I am healthy and maybe this diagnosis won't come to pass, I wonder what God is doing. I cry, I rage, I find peace. Then I cry and rage again.
I wonder if God is really with me, if anyone else ever has doubts. I wonder if He is good. I wonder if there is a reason for all of this, if He will make good on His promise to restore justice.
Any slice of wisdom that it seems like I am imparting, know that I have climbed a mountain, crawled through a valley and shed an ocean of tears to get to that place.
Any bit of encouragement that might cross my lips, is being shared because I, more than anyone, needs to be lifted out of the fog of discouragement.
I have a great life. I try so hard to be thankful, to be grateful for what I've been given. But that is only a small part of the story. I am also human and real and struggling. The person that is presented on social media is only a slice, a tiny percentage of who I am. I never want anyone to forget that. We are all in this messy, beautiful, heartbreaking, amazing life together. Let's stop the comparison game, shall we? I'll go first.
You would be wrong.
That picture I post of freshly baked cookies? You don't know that those were the six I didn't burn.
That picture I post of my smiling kids? You don't know that those smiles lasted all of thirty seconds in our day from hell.
That picture I posted of my kids having a picnic? You don't know that as soon as I posted it, I turned around and yelled at them.
That status I wrote that included a Bible verse? You don't know that I had to post it because that day, that week, I was hanging on to God's promises by a mere thread.
That status I wrote about how great my kids did on their tests? You don't know the months of cajoling and tears and fighting it got to get there.
That encouraging post I shared? You don't know how desperately my own soul needed it.
That picture I posted of us on our family vacation? You don't know that most of the week I complained and the kids fought and we all wondered why we bothered.
That post I shared about homeschooling? You don't know that every single day I second guess our decision to home-educate.
That gorgeous scenery picture of my backyard? You don't know that I have mice crawling through my walls, cobwebs in my corners, dirt in my sink.
That picture of the meal I posted? You don't know that it's the only 'real' meal I served my family all week.
You don't know that I cry, that I yell, that I complain on a regular basis. That I find parenting difficult.
I claim to have faith in God, yet I struggle with anxiety.
You don't know that my kids fight, that they say hateful things to me and their siblings.
You don't know that my husband and I, although we have a good marriage, have fought so hard to get here. There have been days of wondering, hours of tears, lots of not-understanding, years of up-and-down. Lulls, boredom, anger.
You don't know that I could possibly be diagnosed with MS this year. That I struggle to figure out why. That although I am healthy and maybe this diagnosis won't come to pass, I wonder what God is doing. I cry, I rage, I find peace. Then I cry and rage again.
I wonder if God is really with me, if anyone else ever has doubts. I wonder if He is good. I wonder if there is a reason for all of this, if He will make good on His promise to restore justice.
Any slice of wisdom that it seems like I am imparting, know that I have climbed a mountain, crawled through a valley and shed an ocean of tears to get to that place.
Any bit of encouragement that might cross my lips, is being shared because I, more than anyone, needs to be lifted out of the fog of discouragement.
I have a great life. I try so hard to be thankful, to be grateful for what I've been given. But that is only a small part of the story. I am also human and real and struggling. The person that is presented on social media is only a slice, a tiny percentage of who I am. I never want anyone to forget that. We are all in this messy, beautiful, heartbreaking, amazing life together. Let's stop the comparison game, shall we? I'll go first.
Monday, 23 November 2015
Their eyes haunt me. Those babies and children who are stuck in a grey world of war. Whose cities, lives, and very homes have been mowed down. Who sleep in the streets and wonder why their mama isn't coming for them. They are hurt, broken and forgotten. They have seen, in one short life, what most of us never see in an entire lifetime. They are refugees and their eyes beg me to rescue them.
I think of my world, which is vastly different from theirs. My comfort, the ease, the take-it-for-granted attitude that I, and everyone around me, bears. My children will not go to bed hungry tonight. I have the privilege of cozying up on a couch with a hot cup of tea, and browse CNN to see what other horrors might be awaiting those with the sorrowful eyes. I will wake up in the morning, if God grants me breath, and I will not think of them. I will go shopping and load up on the consumerism that is slowly killing this nation, and I will forget. When my children wake up Christmas morning with their bright eyes, somewhere those babies are weeping for their mamas.
It makes me cry. In our abundance and privilege, dare we turn these children away? And how have we come to the point in our thinking that we are comparing human souls to gumballs and jellybeans?? (If you don't know what I'm talking about, be very thankful.) I fail to understand why Christians always seem to play Devil's advocate. Why they must always jump on the bandwagon of extremes without even thinking anything through. Or thinking through a very small tunnel. Truth is not found in the extremes, but in the middle.
The doubts do creep in. You wonder if the refugees need to be brought in so quickly. You wonder if our country (or our already poor province of Nova Scotia) has the capability, funds, vaccines, jobs, etc to handle an influx of people. You wonder if our very new, very young Prime Minister has thought this thing through. You wonder what will happen if indeed a terrorist slips through. The doubts are real, and I don't think voicing them means that we don't care.
BUT...
Christians, of all people, know why the world is the way it is. We know what it's eventually going to come to. We know that we are blessed, in the last few hundred years, to not have been persecuted in our first world nation. But more than all of this, we know Who is in control. The government is going to do what the government is going to do, and the last time I checked, in my Bible it says that God is in control of them too. Also, we are told time and time again in God's word, to not fear. The future, murder, persecution, famine, plague, pestilence - none of it should cause us fear. Not that any bad stuff won't happen to us. Rather, Jesus promised that it will happen to us. He said point-blank that in this world we will have trouble (John 16:33). And maybe, just maybe, God wants the refugees to come to us so that we can be shaken out of our very deep sleep.
Maybe it is all being handled poorly. Maybe our country isn't ready to have a large group of refugees come in. Maybe it is the worst decision our Prime Minister could make. Maybe. Who knows?
But if Mr. Trudeau chooses to invite 25, 000 refugees into our country, then we do what Jesus would have done. We forbid them not. (And that might mean keeping our mouths shut on social media.) We clothe them, feed them, shelter them. If they, for whatever reason, choose to persecute us, we turn the other cheek. If they kill us, as some are suggesting could happen, we go to God in heaven. I am not saying something like that wouldn't be tragic or wrong. I am not saying to not be cautious, but it is utterly, completely beyond our control and out of our hands. So let's do the right thing and be the hands and feet of Jesus to a lost and dying world. Let's love as Jesus loved. Let's step out of our cushy lives and give of ourselves the way He gave. And, for goodness' sake, let's stop railing against the inevitable and be the peacemakers He's called us to be.
I think of my world, which is vastly different from theirs. My comfort, the ease, the take-it-for-granted attitude that I, and everyone around me, bears. My children will not go to bed hungry tonight. I have the privilege of cozying up on a couch with a hot cup of tea, and browse CNN to see what other horrors might be awaiting those with the sorrowful eyes. I will wake up in the morning, if God grants me breath, and I will not think of them. I will go shopping and load up on the consumerism that is slowly killing this nation, and I will forget. When my children wake up Christmas morning with their bright eyes, somewhere those babies are weeping for their mamas.
It makes me cry. In our abundance and privilege, dare we turn these children away? And how have we come to the point in our thinking that we are comparing human souls to gumballs and jellybeans?? (If you don't know what I'm talking about, be very thankful.) I fail to understand why Christians always seem to play Devil's advocate. Why they must always jump on the bandwagon of extremes without even thinking anything through. Or thinking through a very small tunnel. Truth is not found in the extremes, but in the middle.
The doubts do creep in. You wonder if the refugees need to be brought in so quickly. You wonder if our country (or our already poor province of Nova Scotia) has the capability, funds, vaccines, jobs, etc to handle an influx of people. You wonder if our very new, very young Prime Minister has thought this thing through. You wonder what will happen if indeed a terrorist slips through. The doubts are real, and I don't think voicing them means that we don't care.
BUT...
Christians, of all people, know why the world is the way it is. We know what it's eventually going to come to. We know that we are blessed, in the last few hundred years, to not have been persecuted in our first world nation. But more than all of this, we know Who is in control. The government is going to do what the government is going to do, and the last time I checked, in my Bible it says that God is in control of them too. Also, we are told time and time again in God's word, to not fear. The future, murder, persecution, famine, plague, pestilence - none of it should cause us fear. Not that any bad stuff won't happen to us. Rather, Jesus promised that it will happen to us. He said point-blank that in this world we will have trouble (John 16:33). And maybe, just maybe, God wants the refugees to come to us so that we can be shaken out of our very deep sleep.
Maybe it is all being handled poorly. Maybe our country isn't ready to have a large group of refugees come in. Maybe it is the worst decision our Prime Minister could make. Maybe. Who knows?
But if Mr. Trudeau chooses to invite 25, 000 refugees into our country, then we do what Jesus would have done. We forbid them not. (And that might mean keeping our mouths shut on social media.) We clothe them, feed them, shelter them. If they, for whatever reason, choose to persecute us, we turn the other cheek. If they kill us, as some are suggesting could happen, we go to God in heaven. I am not saying something like that wouldn't be tragic or wrong. I am not saying to not be cautious, but it is utterly, completely beyond our control and out of our hands. So let's do the right thing and be the hands and feet of Jesus to a lost and dying world. Let's love as Jesus loved. Let's step out of our cushy lives and give of ourselves the way He gave. And, for goodness' sake, let's stop railing against the inevitable and be the peacemakers He's called us to be.
(They) asked Him, "Which commandment is the most important of all?" Jesus answered, "The most important is... you shall love the Lord your God with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your mind and with all your strength. The second is this: You shall love your neighbor as yourself. There is no other commandment greater than these." Mark 12:28-31
Friday, 12 June 2015
Friday links
It's the weekend everyone! I could not be happier! It was also our last day of homeschool today and I am one happy mother! Woohoo! A break from the normal is so needed in this home. Here's to summer and not having to school for a while!
Here is what I came across this week:
Found this helpful as someone who wants to become a writer. It's my dream!
I could not have made a better list myself! I think she totally nails what makes a great marriage.
There is so much cruelty from Christians on the internet in regards to the whole topic of transgenderism. I found this article to be very compassionate and helpful in terms of how Christians are supposed to respond to the topic.
Jess reminds us to focus on the right things in our parenting.
I don't know about you, but I struggle with doubt from time to time. I don't ever doubt God's existence, but I do doubt Him and His promises and the things He chooses to do/not do. I found this article on the topic encouraging.
Friday, 22 May 2015
Friday links
Phew! What a few weeks it has been around here! Lots of things going on, some planned and some not. But this week we were finally able to get back to a normal routine and it has felt so good. Now I'm looking forward to the end of school (Yay! There is light at the end of the tunnel!) and the beginning of summer. I never used to love summer, but after this long winter and being a homeschooling mom now, summer has taken on a deeper meaning for me. I look so forward to doing nothing and not having to cajole my kids to do anything and just resting. I see lots of evenings like this one in our future:
Links for this week:
If you have a few minutes, I highly recommend watching this video. I bawled my eyes out and thought about it for days afterwards. I love stories about the amazing grace of God.
Do you feel like you have to be 'the perfect mom'? This blog post reminds us why we need to show grace to ourselves.
This topic has been close to my heart for a very long time. There's this whole thing in Christianity about 'doing God's will', which becomes 'marrying in God's will'. That idea messed with me and the first few years of my marriage, let me tell you. Maybe I'll one day write about it but for now, this article says very well what I've always wanted to say.
Jess once again hits the nail on the head with this article about trying to control the outcomes of our kids' lives.
And something just light-hearted and fun to lift your spirits and make you smile.
Happy Friday and happiest of weekends!
Monday, 18 May 2015
Worry and peace
The older I get, them more I realize how fear-filled most of us are. My friends who public-school their kids worry that the world will whisk their children away, among a myriad of other fears. My friends (and myself) who homeschool carry a whole host of other worries: will our kids get a good enough education? Will they resent us for keeping them home? And so, so many more. Education is just the tip of the iceberg though. There are all the other worries about our kids' health, our health, parenting in general, the world at large. Life has proven to many of us that it is not be trusted. You can't read the news without coming away feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. People we love get sick, die. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. Everywhere we turn we see injustice reigning. Life just feels like a crap shoot sometimes.
A lot of nights, even days, anxiety gnaws away at my chest and in my gut. The what ifs and the what nows just overwhelm to the point that I feel physically ill. I try to pray and leave it all with God and yet the darkness lingers. I've always wondered why that is, why I can't let go of worry. Today in my devotional, Nancy Leigh DeMoss shed some light onto something that I probably should have noticed long ago:
And that is the key of the whole thing: gratitude. Thankfulness. Seeing what is already before you and remembering to praise Him for it. Instead of worrying about whether my child is going to get some deadly disease, I need to thank God that they are healthy today. Instead of worrying about how we'll stretch our finances in the next few months, be thankful that today there is food on the table. Rather than worry about how our kids will turn out, be thankful that there is a God Who loves them even more than we do. And that kind of gratitude works against any worry that implants itself in our hearts.
** Things have been quiet on my blog lately due to some stuff going on in my personal life. But I am now back to regular posting. **
A lot of nights, even days, anxiety gnaws away at my chest and in my gut. The what ifs and the what nows just overwhelm to the point that I feel physically ill. I try to pray and leave it all with God and yet the darkness lingers. I've always wondered why that is, why I can't let go of worry. Today in my devotional, Nancy Leigh DeMoss shed some light onto something that I probably should have noticed long ago:
"You can and should pray about (worry), of course. But praying is not all you can do. "Do not be anxious about anything," the apostle Paul wrote, in a much-loved passage of Scripture, "but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil. 4:6). Then what? "The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (verse 7). When prayer teams up with gratitude, when you open your eyes wide enough to look for God's mercies in the midst of your pain, He meets you with His indescribable peace. It's a promise: prayer + thanksgiving = peace. Prayer is vital, yes. But to really experience His peace in the midst of problems, you must come to Him with gratitude. Costly gratitude. The kind that trusts He is working for your good even in unpleasant circumstances. The kind that garrisons your troubled heart and mind with His unexplainable peace."
And that is the key of the whole thing: gratitude. Thankfulness. Seeing what is already before you and remembering to praise Him for it. Instead of worrying about whether my child is going to get some deadly disease, I need to thank God that they are healthy today. Instead of worrying about how we'll stretch our finances in the next few months, be thankful that today there is food on the table. Rather than worry about how our kids will turn out, be thankful that there is a God Who loves them even more than we do. And that kind of gratitude works against any worry that implants itself in our hearts.
** Things have been quiet on my blog lately due to some stuff going on in my personal life. But I am now back to regular posting. **
Friday, 17 April 2015
Friday links
It's hard to believe that another week has gone by! I know in our house we are itching to be done with the school year and I think I can finally see light at the end of the tunnel! Our winter cabin fever melted away this week along with the snow... spring is finally here and we've been enjoying it to the fullest!
Here are the links I came across this week. Hope you enjoy or find inspiration like I did!
If you public school, this is probably not the article for you, but if you are thinking of homeschooling then you may find it helpful.
I thought this poem was beautiful, and a sweet, raw interpretation of exactly how marriage is.
This article cut me to the core. He totally hit the nail on the head in my opinion. I think I might need to write a post on this topic: how my parents' faith made me want to follow God.
Jess gives good advice on how to 'talk to yourself'. You can change the voice in your head from lies and negativity to truth.
This was an encouraging blog post to remind us we're not alone and we're going to be okay.
Happy weekend!
Wednesday, 1 April 2015
Are we better than Jesus?
This post is directed at my fellow Christians.
As a Canadian, I am slightly ashamed to admit: I do not know the ins and outs of politics, specifically American politics. It's never been my thing and I will not pretend to act like I know what I'm talking about. But it seems to me that every time I turn around, there is something in the news about Christians calling for their 'rights'. Or some governor passing, or trying to pass, a law that protects 'religious freedom'. And it rankles me. I've thought about it endlessly and I'll try to spell out what exactly it is that bothers me.
First of all, we live in a broken world. Agreed? It is broken, fallen, and it doesn't take much past the CNN homepage to recognize that fact. We, as a society (I'm looking at you, all of the western civilization AKA first world), are living more blessed and privileged than any society before us. Really, any right that we have is a direct blessing from God. We are blessed. In a society like ours, rights are normal. We expect to have enough to eat, or somewhere to go if we don't have enough money for rent. We expect to be warm at night and have clothes on our back. Even the poorest of us don't know what it's like to live in the extreme poverty of a third world country. So in one sense, we've been rather protected by our blessings; we just don't know what it's like to truly suffer. I also have a pet theory, which may or may not be true: The further a society gets from God, the more 'rights' will be taken away from His people. It's just that simple. If they hate Him, they'll surely hate us. So here's the thing: Blessings are a privilege, not a right. And they could be taken away at any time.
A Christian fighting for his 'religious rights' is so opposite of what Christ set out to teach us. Why on earth would we ever expect to be treated better than He was? Than His disciples were? Who do we really think we are? In John 13:38, Jesus asked Peter, "Will you lay down your life for My sake?" And then in 1 John 3:16 we read, "By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us." If He had the strength and fortitude to stay quiet before His tormentors, can He not also hold us up through any persecution we may face down here? Matthew 10:19-22 - "But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you. ...And you will be hated by all for My name's sake. ...A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master." I am wondering if Christians are fighting too much for their 'right to religious freedom' and I fail to see how that lines up with all of Jesus' talk about laying down His life and us taking up our cross and following Him. Matthew 10:34 - "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. ...And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."
Another thing is that true persecution is not brought on oneself. For example, the backlash to proposed laws that support 'religious freedom' is not persecution. You've brought that on yourself. True persecution is standing quietly in the face of opposition. When you say, "I can't do such and such because it goes against the word of God" and get hatred and scorn, that is persecution. Not, "Oh us poor little Christians are so mocked because we simply want religious freedom and the 'right' to honour a God this society hates." No. That is not persecution. That is more like someone self-flagellating to gain some kind of righteousness.
I don't see the apostle Peter fighting for the rights of his fellow persecuted Christians. I don't see him trying to politicize Christianity. Rather, he exhorts them to submit to those in authority (1 Peter 2:13-17). Likewise, the apostle Paul in Romans 13:1-7. And remember, the person ruling in Paul's day was Nero, who eventually executed the him. I hardly think the Christians who faced the literal lions were crying out for their rights. Rather I think they might have considered it an honour to die for Christ.
But see, this is the problem: We think we do have rights. Everyone else has them, or is trying to get them. What about us? Don't we deserve some kind of protection and tolerance?
We are told over and over again to lay our lives down, to take up our cross, to submit to the authorities over us. I don't know that Christians are meant to fight with the world. The world is going to do what the world does best: Revile God. We are told to love God and our neighbour and that's honestly about it. Everything we do or not do should reflect that and flow out of that.
We are the people following the One who said, "I am the Way, the Truth and the Life", the people who have tasted deeply of God's grace. We are those who have felt the depths of Jesus' love as He 'opened not His mouth' (Acts 8:32). We of all people, who have been called to do justly, to love mercy and to walk humbly with our God (Micah 6:8), should know better.
Note that I do not for a minute think we are not supposed to reach out to our neighbour in a tangible way. I absolutely think we are supposed to be the hands and feet of Jesus (and I fail at this) but what I don't think is that we're supposed to fight with our God-given (yes, God-given) governments. I really don't think it's the place of a Christian to 'change the world'. Why don't we just love the people around us, like we've been commanded to do, and leave the 'changing the world' to The Expert?
One more thought: This world is not our home. Any Christian worth his/her salt knows that our hope is in heaven. John 14:1-4 - "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." If we are pilgrims, we are going to face suffering and persecution. The problem is, I think we've forgotten that we're pilgrims on a journey, with a destination in heaven.
Are we called to make social reform in this dark world, or are we called to follow Him, even if that means death?
As a Canadian, I am slightly ashamed to admit: I do not know the ins and outs of politics, specifically American politics. It's never been my thing and I will not pretend to act like I know what I'm talking about. But it seems to me that every time I turn around, there is something in the news about Christians calling for their 'rights'. Or some governor passing, or trying to pass, a law that protects 'religious freedom'. And it rankles me. I've thought about it endlessly and I'll try to spell out what exactly it is that bothers me.
First of all, we live in a broken world. Agreed? It is broken, fallen, and it doesn't take much past the CNN homepage to recognize that fact. We, as a society (I'm looking at you, all of the western civilization AKA first world), are living more blessed and privileged than any society before us. Really, any right that we have is a direct blessing from God. We are blessed. In a society like ours, rights are normal. We expect to have enough to eat, or somewhere to go if we don't have enough money for rent. We expect to be warm at night and have clothes on our back. Even the poorest of us don't know what it's like to live in the extreme poverty of a third world country. So in one sense, we've been rather protected by our blessings; we just don't know what it's like to truly suffer. I also have a pet theory, which may or may not be true: The further a society gets from God, the more 'rights' will be taken away from His people. It's just that simple. If they hate Him, they'll surely hate us. So here's the thing: Blessings are a privilege, not a right. And they could be taken away at any time.
A Christian fighting for his 'religious rights' is so opposite of what Christ set out to teach us. Why on earth would we ever expect to be treated better than He was? Than His disciples were? Who do we really think we are? In John 13:38, Jesus asked Peter, "Will you lay down your life for My sake?" And then in 1 John 3:16 we read, "By this we know love, because He laid down His life for us." If He had the strength and fortitude to stay quiet before His tormentors, can He not also hold us up through any persecution we may face down here? Matthew 10:19-22 - "But when they deliver you up, do not worry about how or what you should speak. For it will be given to you in that hour what you should speak; for it is not you who speak, but the Spirit of your Father who speaks in you. ...And you will be hated by all for My name's sake. ...A disciple is not above his teacher, nor a servant above his master." I am wondering if Christians are fighting too much for their 'right to religious freedom' and I fail to see how that lines up with all of Jesus' talk about laying down His life and us taking up our cross and following Him. Matthew 10:34 - "Do not think that I came to bring peace on earth. I did not come to bring peace but a sword. ...And he who does not take his cross and follow after Me is not worthy of Me. He who finds his life will lose it, and he who loses his life for My sake will find it."
Another thing is that true persecution is not brought on oneself. For example, the backlash to proposed laws that support 'religious freedom' is not persecution. You've brought that on yourself. True persecution is standing quietly in the face of opposition. When you say, "I can't do such and such because it goes against the word of God" and get hatred and scorn, that is persecution. Not, "Oh us poor little Christians are so mocked because we simply want religious freedom and the 'right' to honour a God this society hates." No. That is not persecution. That is more like someone self-flagellating to gain some kind of righteousness.
I don't see the apostle Peter fighting for the rights of his fellow persecuted Christians. I don't see him trying to politicize Christianity. Rather, he exhorts them to submit to those in authority (1 Peter 2:13-17). Likewise, the apostle Paul in Romans 13:1-7. And remember, the person ruling in Paul's day was Nero, who eventually executed the him. I hardly think the Christians who faced the literal lions were crying out for their rights. Rather I think they might have considered it an honour to die for Christ.
But see, this is the problem: We think we do have rights. Everyone else has them, or is trying to get them. What about us? Don't we deserve some kind of protection and tolerance?
We are told over and over again to lay our lives down, to take up our cross, to submit to the authorities over us. I don't know that Christians are meant to fight with the world. The world is going to do what the world does best: Revile God. We are told to love God and our neighbour and that's honestly about it. Everything we do or not do should reflect that and flow out of that.
Note that I do not for a minute think we are not supposed to reach out to our neighbour in a tangible way. I absolutely think we are supposed to be the hands and feet of Jesus (and I fail at this) but what I don't think is that we're supposed to fight with our God-given (yes, God-given) governments. I really don't think it's the place of a Christian to 'change the world'. Why don't we just love the people around us, like we've been commanded to do, and leave the 'changing the world' to The Expert?
One more thought: This world is not our home. Any Christian worth his/her salt knows that our hope is in heaven. John 14:1-4 - "Let not your heart be troubled; you believe in God, believe also in Me. In My Father's house are many mansions; if it were not so, I would have told you. I go to prepare a place for you." If we are pilgrims, we are going to face suffering and persecution. The problem is, I think we've forgotten that we're pilgrims on a journey, with a destination in heaven.
Are we called to make social reform in this dark world, or are we called to follow Him, even if that means death?
Monday, 30 March 2015
Haven't I been over this already?
I struggle with anger and yelling when I feel impatient.
It's never been anything I've kept a secret. I probably struggled with this my whole life, but it's really manifested itself since having kids. I often wondered why, when I've worked so hard on talking nicely to my husband, that I struggle to keep an even tone with my kids. A friend of mine, when I complained about this to her, said, "It's because with your husband you're dealing with a reasonable individual." So very true. Kids tend to bring out the worst because in the end, we really can't control how they behave. And they behave unreasonably because they're children.
But that is no excuse for me being rude and impatient with them. It has been a long, hard road for me. I have run the gamut from throwing up my hands and saying 'I can't do this, I'm not even going to bother trying!' to trying to 'fix' myself in my own strength (accountability partner, identifying my trigger points, etc.). What I have come to realize though, is the answer is actually somewhere in the middle of those two things.
It's 1. I can't do it on my own and 2. I can't fix myself, but I do need to try. God's truth is always somewhere in the middle of the road. We human beings tend to go to extremes of one thing or the other, but I have always found Him in the middle. I need to strive for what is good, to learn to take my anger to Him and let Him change me, but I also need to realize that I cannot change myself. And honestly? When I finally came to that conclusion, that is when I started to notice more of a change in myself.
There is really no practical answer I could give anyone as to how to learn to control their anger/yelling. But as one who has walked this hard road, I can say that God does want to change you. "...being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ..." Phil. 1:6 He doesn't want us staying stuck in the same ruts of our sin but wants to help us move forward and become more like Him. The only way I have found is to keep bringing it before Him and seeking forgiveness when I mess up.
One other thing that I have found helpful is to ask God to let me see my kids the way He sees them. I tend to think of them as little people who never do what I want them to do. But God sees them as special human beings made in His image, and He has a plan for them. If I keep this thought and prayer before me, it helps me keep my tone level and respectful. They deserve a mom who talks nicely to them. Because it isn't always just the yelling, but also the impatient tone and making them feel like a bother.
My biggest goal as a mom is to teach my kids kindness. But how can I hope to accomplish that when I don't always know how to be kind myself? I think that the best I can do, is with God's help model kindness and patience as much as I can, and humbly ask for forgiveness when I fail. Hopefully somewhere, somehow they'll see God's grace working through me.
It's never been anything I've kept a secret. I probably struggled with this my whole life, but it's really manifested itself since having kids. I often wondered why, when I've worked so hard on talking nicely to my husband, that I struggle to keep an even tone with my kids. A friend of mine, when I complained about this to her, said, "It's because with your husband you're dealing with a reasonable individual." So very true. Kids tend to bring out the worst because in the end, we really can't control how they behave. And they behave unreasonably because they're children.
But that is no excuse for me being rude and impatient with them. It has been a long, hard road for me. I have run the gamut from throwing up my hands and saying 'I can't do this, I'm not even going to bother trying!' to trying to 'fix' myself in my own strength (accountability partner, identifying my trigger points, etc.). What I have come to realize though, is the answer is actually somewhere in the middle of those two things.
It's 1. I can't do it on my own and 2. I can't fix myself, but I do need to try. God's truth is always somewhere in the middle of the road. We human beings tend to go to extremes of one thing or the other, but I have always found Him in the middle. I need to strive for what is good, to learn to take my anger to Him and let Him change me, but I also need to realize that I cannot change myself. And honestly? When I finally came to that conclusion, that is when I started to notice more of a change in myself.
There is really no practical answer I could give anyone as to how to learn to control their anger/yelling. But as one who has walked this hard road, I can say that God does want to change you. "...being confident of this very thing, that He who has begun a good work in you will complete it until the day of Jesus Christ..." Phil. 1:6 He doesn't want us staying stuck in the same ruts of our sin but wants to help us move forward and become more like Him. The only way I have found is to keep bringing it before Him and seeking forgiveness when I mess up.
One other thing that I have found helpful is to ask God to let me see my kids the way He sees them. I tend to think of them as little people who never do what I want them to do. But God sees them as special human beings made in His image, and He has a plan for them. If I keep this thought and prayer before me, it helps me keep my tone level and respectful. They deserve a mom who talks nicely to them. Because it isn't always just the yelling, but also the impatient tone and making them feel like a bother.
My biggest goal as a mom is to teach my kids kindness. But how can I hope to accomplish that when I don't always know how to be kind myself? I think that the best I can do, is with God's help model kindness and patience as much as I can, and humbly ask for forgiveness when I fail. Hopefully somewhere, somehow they'll see God's grace working through me.
Friday, 20 March 2015
Friday links
Today on my calendar it says: First Day of Spring. I want to believe this with all my heart but when I look out my window, it tells a different story.
 |
| This is how my driveway looked as I left it this morning. |
 |
| See those two wooden blocks to the right? Those? Those are the newel posts of my front steps. |
Well, here's hoping that things start to melt soon. Although at this point I cannot imagine where all that snow is going to go. It's pretty safe to say that I am utterly beyond sick of the white stuff.
Here are some links:
I love following the Pioneer Woman's blog. She also has a show on the Food Network, but being that I don't have TV, I can't watch it. Or so I thought. A couple of days ago, I realized that foodnetwork.ca has her episodes listed to watch online! If this is your kind of thing, I highly recommend.
Speaking of the Pioneer Woman, she had someone guest post on her blog this week. The blogger shared some interesting thoughts on homeschooling. I've long thought that having a strong conviction or passion to homeschool should not translate into making others feel it's the only way.
A challenge from Nancy Leigh DeMoss on writing, blogging, ministry, and getting into God's word.
One day recently I had such a craving for a chocolate peanut butter treat. I went to my trusty Google and came up with these and YUM. Go make now. You won't regret it.
Happy weekend everyone!
Friday, 20 February 2015
Friday links.
Onto another Friday!
I don't have a ton to share this week, but here goes:
This article articulated something that I've been thinking about for a long time but could never quite put into words.
I came across this this week and although I haven't tried anything from her list yet, I plan to.
Emily shares some words of wisdom on marriage and a wife's role. I always love this girl's perspective.
I'm reading this book and am fascinated. I will be sharing a review soon.
Happy weekend!
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)