Almost two years ago, the right side of my body went numb for two months. It was the scariest time in my life to date. When you have no idea why this is happening, when you think that you could possibly have a brain tumour or neurological disease, it's terrifying. I spent most of those days in a fog. I tried not to panic but it was hard. My doctor thought maybe it could be Multiple Sclerosis (MS) and wanted me to go for an MRI.
The numbness went away and so did the urgency for an MRI. She kept me on the waiting list though, thinking it would be better just to get my brain scanned anyway. More than a year after my symptoms went away, they finally called me in for the test. (Gotta love Canadian healthcare. But I am truly thankful I didn't have to pay for it.) I endured the dread of being shoved into a dark tunnel (MRI's are no walk in the park, let me tell you) and then had to wait a month to hear anything. I knew they would find something. You can't have that kind of numbness in your body and not have some kind of issue with your brain.
They found 'lesions', or scar tissue on my brain. This meant that I'd had an attack (the numbness) and that it had healed itself (which is why the numbness went away). I was scared. My doctor set up an appointment with a neurologist but he couldn't tell me much. MS is really hard to diagnose. He needs me to go for a spinal tap so that is where I currently am in this journey. Waiting for a spinal tap and taking one day at a time.
During the two months that I was actually feeling (or not feeling, as the case may be) numbness, I did a lot of soul-searching. I cried and I prayed and I questioned God. The conclusion I came to is this: None of us are promised tomorrow. I only have today and it is a gift. Today I haven't officially been diagnosed with MS, and honestly, I may never be. Still, the what-ifs hover. But, today I can see, I can speak, I can walk, I can breathe, I am alive. Life is beyond precious. If there is anything I learned during those two months it is that I love my life. I have been abundantly blessed beyond anything that I deserve. If my future holds wheelchairs and medications, then I will be given the grace to walk through it. Because if there is one thing I know for sure, it's that God is faithful. He was with me when life felt so uncertain, He is with me now, and He will be with me always.
Life is hard, I fully believe this. Every single person is given a cross to bear. Each and every one of us will have something in our lives that makes us turn to God, of that I am certain. But everyone's cross is going to look different. I am not saying God causes hard things in our lives, but He doesn't always take them away. This world is broken, and so are we. The peace we can find though, is in knowing that there is something and Someone beyond ourselves. That there is a higher purpose, more than just the pain we experience. I've heard the analogy before of life as a tapestry. Right now, we can only see underneath the tapestry, with all the messy threads and the picture that doesn't make sense from the back. But above the tapestry, God is weaving a beautiful design and one day He will show us what He's been up to.
While I'm learning not to wallow in the negativity of life, I never want to be blind to the reality of pain. I think there is a balance to be had between being realistic about hardship, while finding a way to embrace it, or at least move through it in a positive way. For me, this means accepting what might be a possible diagnosis. Accepting, and then taking each day as it comes. I'm learning to be more mindful of what a gift each day really is.
You keep track of all my sorrows. You have collected all my tears in your bottle. You have recorded each one in your book. Psalm 56:8
Try to exclude the possibility of suffering which the order of nature and the existence of free-wills involve, and you find that you have excluded life itself. -- C.S. Lewis
Showing posts with label encouragement. Show all posts
Showing posts with label encouragement. Show all posts
Thursday, 3 March 2016
Wednesday, 3 February 2016
Racism terrifies me
I am reading The Sign of the Beaver (by Elizabeth George Speare) to my boys for Language Arts. It's about a young boy named Matt, set in pioneer days, who is left alone in his family's log cabin while his dad goes east to collect his mother and sister. While waiting for his family to return, he comes into contact with a native man and his grandson, Attean. Through a series of events, it comes to light that the older man wants Matt to teach Attean to read. Here is a snippet:
"Attean learn," he said. "White man come more and more to (our) land. White man not make treaty with pipe. White man make signs on paper, signs (we) not know. (We) put mark on paper to show him friend of white man. Then white man take land. Tell (us we) cannot hunt on land. Attean learn to read white man's signs. Attean not give away hunting grounds."
And then, while Matt is teaching Attean to read by reading to him from the book Robinson Crusoe, they come to a part where a white man rescues a native man. The native man then proceeds to kneel down to the white man in gratitude. Attean interrupts:
"NO!" he shouted. "Not so."
Matt stopped, bewildered.
"Never kneel down to a white man!" said Attean.
"But Crusoe had saved his life."
"Not kneel down," Attean repeated fiercely. "Not be slave. Better die."
He then leaves and Matt is left with his thoughts.
He had never questioned that story. Like Robinson Crusoe, he had thought it natural and right that the wild man should be the white man's slave. Was there perhaps another possibility? The thought was new and troubling.
And that, my friends, in a nutshell, is what is wrong with our history as white people. We thought we were so superior. We misunderstood any living soul who looked differently than us, ate differently, had different customs. We thought we were the ones who had the right to take their land, to choose not to really see these beautiful people.
Down through history this has always been the case. White men being afraid of 'different' and lashing out, wreaking havoc on endless souls. It really hit home to me today, reading this book with my kids. Not only with the natives in both Canada and the US, but also with the slave trade of the blacks in the states. It's just unspeakable what people of my skin colour have done to others out of a sense of superiority. It is truly evil. An evil straight from the pit of hell.
It's so easy for us to think, "Oh that happened hundreds of years ago, but now everything is okay." Thinking like that is a shield because the alternative is terrifying. It's terrifying to imagine that people might still feel hatred towards others. But the other day it came to my attention that a popular white blogger was being harassed on Twitter because she posted a picture of her black son. The hatred that was spewing from these internet trolls, directed at her and her precious child was unbelievable to me. It didn't seem like real life. But it was.
I was reminded by my brother tonight that it also isn't just the open attack (although I wouldn't call sending tweets open; rather it's pretty cowardly to sit behind a screen and insult someone) that is horrifying, but also the underhanded, less obvious mentality that is so pervasive. He shared this quote with me: "Racism doesn't usually look like someone shouting slurs, (it) looks like people eagerly looking for a reason why a black kid deserved to die." - Lou Schumaker. It looks like cops killing children and getting let off the hook. It looks like people not caring that a mother goes to bed at night not knowing if her son will be next. It looks like a blind eye turned, a deaf ear, a cold shoulder. It looks like choosing not to know.
And I'm scared. I'm so utterly scared and horrified that we still live in a world with such hatred. I am devastated to think that maybe racism has not gone anywhere but is still alive and even thriving. There are people out there with hate in their hearts so vicious that they will attack a child with their words and their weapons. My mind cannot comprehend it. I can't begin to understand a world that tears down rather than lifts up. A system that finds fault with how someone lives rather than extending the hand of compassion.
What can I do about it though? It feels too big and overwhelming. And really, there is probably nothing we really can do. We can't change the hatefulness in so many hearts. If we want change though, it needs to begin with us. I can teach my children to love others. I can teach them the history of racism and hatred in our culture, teach them about how the white men stole the natives' land. How white men were so afraid of 'different' that they killed and hurt and destroyed. I can teach them about black history and the slave trade and abolition, about Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr and making sure we don't forget these warriors. We have lots of conversations about not judging others based on appearance. I try to teach them to live by this quote, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (This quote is attributed to Plato but it is not certain.) I teach them how Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God and love your neighbour. I don't know if it sinks in or not. I hope it does. I hope that they can learn to see others through God's eyes, to see their beauty. I want them to see that each soul who graces this planet is deeply precious and loved by God.
It's not enough, I know it. I don't know what the answers are, really. I do believe, with all my heart, that one day God will set things to right and will bring justice to everyone who has ever been wronged. For now though, I'm hoping that at least keeping my head out of the sand and teaching my kids to do the same, might be a small start.
"Attean learn," he said. "White man come more and more to (our) land. White man not make treaty with pipe. White man make signs on paper, signs (we) not know. (We) put mark on paper to show him friend of white man. Then white man take land. Tell (us we) cannot hunt on land. Attean learn to read white man's signs. Attean not give away hunting grounds."
And then, while Matt is teaching Attean to read by reading to him from the book Robinson Crusoe, they come to a part where a white man rescues a native man. The native man then proceeds to kneel down to the white man in gratitude. Attean interrupts:
"NO!" he shouted. "Not so."
Matt stopped, bewildered.
"Never kneel down to a white man!" said Attean.
"But Crusoe had saved his life."
"Not kneel down," Attean repeated fiercely. "Not be slave. Better die."
He then leaves and Matt is left with his thoughts.
He had never questioned that story. Like Robinson Crusoe, he had thought it natural and right that the wild man should be the white man's slave. Was there perhaps another possibility? The thought was new and troubling.
And that, my friends, in a nutshell, is what is wrong with our history as white people. We thought we were so superior. We misunderstood any living soul who looked differently than us, ate differently, had different customs. We thought we were the ones who had the right to take their land, to choose not to really see these beautiful people.
Down through history this has always been the case. White men being afraid of 'different' and lashing out, wreaking havoc on endless souls. It really hit home to me today, reading this book with my kids. Not only with the natives in both Canada and the US, but also with the slave trade of the blacks in the states. It's just unspeakable what people of my skin colour have done to others out of a sense of superiority. It is truly evil. An evil straight from the pit of hell.
It's so easy for us to think, "Oh that happened hundreds of years ago, but now everything is okay." Thinking like that is a shield because the alternative is terrifying. It's terrifying to imagine that people might still feel hatred towards others. But the other day it came to my attention that a popular white blogger was being harassed on Twitter because she posted a picture of her black son. The hatred that was spewing from these internet trolls, directed at her and her precious child was unbelievable to me. It didn't seem like real life. But it was.
I was reminded by my brother tonight that it also isn't just the open attack (although I wouldn't call sending tweets open; rather it's pretty cowardly to sit behind a screen and insult someone) that is horrifying, but also the underhanded, less obvious mentality that is so pervasive. He shared this quote with me: "Racism doesn't usually look like someone shouting slurs, (it) looks like people eagerly looking for a reason why a black kid deserved to die." - Lou Schumaker. It looks like cops killing children and getting let off the hook. It looks like people not caring that a mother goes to bed at night not knowing if her son will be next. It looks like a blind eye turned, a deaf ear, a cold shoulder. It looks like choosing not to know.
What can I do about it though? It feels too big and overwhelming. And really, there is probably nothing we really can do. We can't change the hatefulness in so many hearts. If we want change though, it needs to begin with us. I can teach my children to love others. I can teach them the history of racism and hatred in our culture, teach them about how the white men stole the natives' land. How white men were so afraid of 'different' that they killed and hurt and destroyed. I can teach them about black history and the slave trade and abolition, about Rosa Parks and Martin Luther King Jr and making sure we don't forget these warriors. We have lots of conversations about not judging others based on appearance. I try to teach them to live by this quote, "Be kind, for everyone you meet is fighting a hard battle." (This quote is attributed to Plato but it is not certain.) I teach them how Jesus said the greatest commandment is to love God and love your neighbour. I don't know if it sinks in or not. I hope it does. I hope that they can learn to see others through God's eyes, to see their beauty. I want them to see that each soul who graces this planet is deeply precious and loved by God.
It's not enough, I know it. I don't know what the answers are, really. I do believe, with all my heart, that one day God will set things to right and will bring justice to everyone who has ever been wronged. For now though, I'm hoping that at least keeping my head out of the sand and teaching my kids to do the same, might be a small start.
Monday, 11 January 2016
This moment
For me sometimes life seems like an endless stretching into the future, waiting for the next thing that might come my way. Or, on the flip side, a gut-wrenching look backward to all the times I got it wrong. Forward, backward, whatever. I seem to have a really hard time living in the moment.
There is a lot to look forward to of course. Plans must be made, dreams set in motion. There is nothing wrong with that. Life would be bleak indeed if we couldn't look forward to things. And memories can be a beautiful thing. Thinking back to times with loved ones, especially ones who are no longer with us can be one of the most precious things in life.
But what about when the future and the past encroach on the present? When my eyes are constantly looking into the distant future, waiting, waiting for that next elusive moment of happiness. Or when my eyes are constantly looking back, seeing all the regretful moments of my life. The looking ahead can become a restlessness in my soul that is unquenchable, and the looking back can become a shackle around my ankle, weighing me down.
What about just being content and happy in this moment? It is a struggle to stay focus and engaged on what is right in front of me. A struggle because of our technology filled world of course, but also just my own restless, discontented spirit gets in the way so very often. It feels so sad that I have this amazing life sitting right in front of me, and yet the urge to complain or fret is so often right at the tip of my mind (and therefore the tip of my tongue. Whatever I think, comes out of my mouth. But that is another topic altogether.) causing the joy of my present moment to be stripped away.
In this moment I have a husband who loves me. A cozy home to live in, on a beautiful property. Three spunky, gorgeous children. Health. Food. Clothing. In this moment I have more than I could ever possibly want or need. Books at my disposal. A lazyboy to put my feet up while I read. Or type. All of this, is what faces me this very moment. This moment. This moment, this very day, is all I have.
I'm not a new year's resolution kind of person, simply because I'm not one to set myself up for failure. But if I could do anything better in 2016, it would be to live in the moment. To wake up in the morning with the promise to myself that I will enjoy this one beautiful day. If I could accomplish this, then all of those beautiful days would eventually string together into one beautiful life. And this is it. This is my life. In all of it's messy beauty, this is my life.
It's so hard when the rubber meets the road though. When you wake up to children fighting and toast burning and school not going well and someone constantly needing you to play a game with them. It's hard to live in the moment when supper needs to be cooked (and who knows what to make anyway?) and an endless array of mind-numbing chores must be done. When you feel cranky and irritated and why AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER DOES ANYTHING AROUND HERE and you know how it is.
But what if, what if all of those hard moments are the moments that make up a great life? What if my perspective could shift and instead of griping and complaining I could just be thankful that there is a family, a family in my home who, as long as they need fresh underwear, means that they are alive and healthy and well? I read something along those lines one time and I wish I could find it now. It was about how perspective is everything. Instead of seeing a dirty floor, see the beautiful children who tracked the dirt. Instead of sighing about grocery shopping, breathe a prayer of thankfulness that there is a grocery store stocked with food and money with which to buy it. Instead of groaning about ironing your husband's shirts (does anyone love ironing??) think of the man who faithfully gets up and goes to work every day without complaining so that you can have your beautiful life.
It is definitely a challenge for me, complainer that I am. But this is my goal for 2016: to live in the moment and be thankful for the beauty that is sitting right under my nose.
There is a lot to look forward to of course. Plans must be made, dreams set in motion. There is nothing wrong with that. Life would be bleak indeed if we couldn't look forward to things. And memories can be a beautiful thing. Thinking back to times with loved ones, especially ones who are no longer with us can be one of the most precious things in life.
But what about when the future and the past encroach on the present? When my eyes are constantly looking into the distant future, waiting, waiting for that next elusive moment of happiness. Or when my eyes are constantly looking back, seeing all the regretful moments of my life. The looking ahead can become a restlessness in my soul that is unquenchable, and the looking back can become a shackle around my ankle, weighing me down.
What about just being content and happy in this moment? It is a struggle to stay focus and engaged on what is right in front of me. A struggle because of our technology filled world of course, but also just my own restless, discontented spirit gets in the way so very often. It feels so sad that I have this amazing life sitting right in front of me, and yet the urge to complain or fret is so often right at the tip of my mind (and therefore the tip of my tongue. Whatever I think, comes out of my mouth. But that is another topic altogether.) causing the joy of my present moment to be stripped away.
In this moment I have a husband who loves me. A cozy home to live in, on a beautiful property. Three spunky, gorgeous children. Health. Food. Clothing. In this moment I have more than I could ever possibly want or need. Books at my disposal. A lazyboy to put my feet up while I read. Or type. All of this, is what faces me this very moment. This moment. This moment, this very day, is all I have.
I'm not a new year's resolution kind of person, simply because I'm not one to set myself up for failure. But if I could do anything better in 2016, it would be to live in the moment. To wake up in the morning with the promise to myself that I will enjoy this one beautiful day. If I could accomplish this, then all of those beautiful days would eventually string together into one beautiful life. And this is it. This is my life. In all of it's messy beauty, this is my life.
It's so hard when the rubber meets the road though. When you wake up to children fighting and toast burning and school not going well and someone constantly needing you to play a game with them. It's hard to live in the moment when supper needs to be cooked (and who knows what to make anyway?) and an endless array of mind-numbing chores must be done. When you feel cranky and irritated and why AM I THE ONLY ONE WHO EVER DOES ANYTHING AROUND HERE and you know how it is.
But what if, what if all of those hard moments are the moments that make up a great life? What if my perspective could shift and instead of griping and complaining I could just be thankful that there is a family, a family in my home who, as long as they need fresh underwear, means that they are alive and healthy and well? I read something along those lines one time and I wish I could find it now. It was about how perspective is everything. Instead of seeing a dirty floor, see the beautiful children who tracked the dirt. Instead of sighing about grocery shopping, breathe a prayer of thankfulness that there is a grocery store stocked with food and money with which to buy it. Instead of groaning about ironing your husband's shirts (does anyone love ironing??) think of the man who faithfully gets up and goes to work every day without complaining so that you can have your beautiful life.
It is definitely a challenge for me, complainer that I am. But this is my goal for 2016: to live in the moment and be thankful for the beauty that is sitting right under my nose.
Wednesday, 2 December 2015
Trusting God
The older I get, the more I realize that I have no idea what it means to trust in God. When I was younger, and feeling invincible, I thought it meant something along the lines of: Trust God and everything will be okay. Now, when I am older and jaded and disappointed, I see it for what it really is: Trust God. Period.
There is so much to feel sad and discouraged about in this world. People hurt other people. We all die. Babies get sick. Kids rebel. You can spend your whole life pouring yourself into your child and they still might go astray. Life, at it's very core, feels like a crapshoot. Sorrow upon sorrow. Endless.
I know that thinking this way leads some to believe there is no God but I am the opposite. All of this garbage that a lot of us deal with day in, day out leads me to believe that there has to be a God. If there is no God, what is the point? To me, there has to be something else. Believing that God is in His heaven, even with all of the grief and destruction down here, takes a lot of faith. Sometimes my faith feels very small. But it is always there. And if I believe that God is there, then I have to trust Him.
This trust though. What exactly is it? Like I said before, I used to think it was a cause and effect kind of thing. If I trust God, He will keep me healthy. If I trust God, He will make my kids turn out into decent human beings. If I trust God, there will never be anything sad in my life. But life has a way of throwing disillusionment upon even the most optimistic of us. (And I have never claimed to be an optimist.) Once I opened my eyes and realized that life can be extremely hard at times, I wondered what this meant about God and trusting Him.
I think the whole thing comes down to this: Do I believe He is real or not? And I do, so: If He is real, then what do I know about Him? If He is real, then He is there. If He is there, then He has a purpose. If He has a purpose, then whatever I face is not a mistake. If it is not a mistake, then I can trust Him. The question isn't "Will He take this hardship away so I can trust Him again?" but rather "Can I trust Him even though I am facing this really tough thing?" It isn't about give and take and making deals with Him. It's about knowing that if He is real, then He is trustworthy. That whatever comes my way, He will still be there.
God, because of who He is, cannot lie. And He has promised to be with me no matter where I go.
So I think the vital question is this: Do I trust God or not? Well, with all of the cynicism that I have accumulated over the years, I have also found that He who promised is faithful (Heb. 10:23). There has never been a time when I've been feeling discouraged that God has not come through. Maybe it's been a note from a friend, or hearing a Bible verse that seems hand-picked for me, or even simply feeling the fresh breeze on my face and a deep peace in my soul. All of it points to Someone out there who cares for me, and who never runs out of new mercies for each new day that I face.
There is so much to feel sad and discouraged about in this world. People hurt other people. We all die. Babies get sick. Kids rebel. You can spend your whole life pouring yourself into your child and they still might go astray. Life, at it's very core, feels like a crapshoot. Sorrow upon sorrow. Endless.
I know that thinking this way leads some to believe there is no God but I am the opposite. All of this garbage that a lot of us deal with day in, day out leads me to believe that there has to be a God. If there is no God, what is the point? To me, there has to be something else. Believing that God is in His heaven, even with all of the grief and destruction down here, takes a lot of faith. Sometimes my faith feels very small. But it is always there. And if I believe that God is there, then I have to trust Him.
This trust though. What exactly is it? Like I said before, I used to think it was a cause and effect kind of thing. If I trust God, He will keep me healthy. If I trust God, He will make my kids turn out into decent human beings. If I trust God, there will never be anything sad in my life. But life has a way of throwing disillusionment upon even the most optimistic of us. (And I have never claimed to be an optimist.) Once I opened my eyes and realized that life can be extremely hard at times, I wondered what this meant about God and trusting Him.
I think the whole thing comes down to this: Do I believe He is real or not? And I do, so: If He is real, then what do I know about Him? If He is real, then He is there. If He is there, then He has a purpose. If He has a purpose, then whatever I face is not a mistake. If it is not a mistake, then I can trust Him. The question isn't "Will He take this hardship away so I can trust Him again?" but rather "Can I trust Him even though I am facing this really tough thing?" It isn't about give and take and making deals with Him. It's about knowing that if He is real, then He is trustworthy. That whatever comes my way, He will still be there.
God, because of who He is, cannot lie. And He has promised to be with me no matter where I go.
If I ascend to heaven, you are there!
If I make my bed in (hell), you are there!
9
If I take the wings of the morning
and dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
10
even there your hand shall lead me,
and your right hand shall hold me.
Psalm 139: 8-10
So I think the vital question is this: Do I trust God or not? Well, with all of the cynicism that I have accumulated over the years, I have also found that He who promised is faithful (Heb. 10:23). There has never been a time when I've been feeling discouraged that God has not come through. Maybe it's been a note from a friend, or hearing a Bible verse that seems hand-picked for me, or even simply feeling the fresh breeze on my face and a deep peace in my soul. All of it points to Someone out there who cares for me, and who never runs out of new mercies for each new day that I face.
Tuesday, 27 October 2015
A note to myself
I was thinking today of my life as it was approximately eight-ish years ago when I had a toddler and a newborn. Life was - shall we say - rough. My less than two-year-old was busy. So busy that in order to nurse my newborn, I had to lock us into a room, the three of us, me sitting on the bed nursing, my boy playing with the few toys I had in there for him. I just couldn't trust him enough to nurse my baby in the living room with him left to roam free, which usually meant, for him, a trip to the kitchen to explore. I remember sinking to the floor in tears a couple of times during that period. It all just felt like way too much. And I felt like too much of not enough. There wasn't enough of me and I was tired and actually probably a little malnourished now that I think of it. I remember waking up in the mornings and whole-heartedly dreading my day. The long, long day ahead of who-knows-what facing me. Would my toddler sit still long enough for me to sip a cup of tea? Would I be able to read a few sentences of anything? Would I remember, finally, who I was and how I got here? Or would I have to constantly jump up and down to get my boy out of harm's way, to get him another drink, to change another diaper, to make a meal, to make sure everyone was fed and safe, to somehow make sure I got dressed and fed too. It was quite literally the absolute most exhausting time of my life.
And now here I am, on the other side. Somewhere in all that fog I got pregnant again and had my first girl. Suddenly I am the mom of a ten-year-old, eight-year-old and six-year old. I am witness to the fact that life levels out again. Things get better. Soon those toddlers and babies are able to get themselves in and out of the car, to wipe their own bottoms, to dress and feed themselves. Sure, I am still needed. Supper still must be cooked, groceries done and house cleaned and of course the bulk of it falls to me. But the emotional and physical drain on my heart and soul is not nearly as bone-shatteringly tiring. I sound dramatic, but anyone who has been in my shoes knows what I'm talking about.
If I could, I would go back in time to have a chat with myself. And this is what I would say:
1. You are ENOUGH
These particular children were given to you for a reason. You are the best possible mom for them and you are enough. You. Are. Enough. I know it doesn't feel like it, but just feeding and clothing those precious babies is enough. Just being there is enough. I know in writing you're not supposed to keep saying the same word over and over, but I must say it again: YOU ARE ENOUGH. It doesn't matter if all those other moms are crafting and pinteresting and have angelic looking children because you know what? They don't. You find me a mom that is always that perfectly put together and perfectly perfect, and I will tell you that trolls are actually real. All those other moms with 'good' children? Don't exist. Even if it seems like it and I promise that at times it does seem like it, but I am here to tell you that they do not exist. Every other mother that you know, has held poop in her hands. She has yelled at her kids and sometimes she wants to run away. If she tells you that none of this has happened, then she is flat out lying to your face. So, back to my original point, you are enough. If you love your babies and keep everyone fed and alive, you are enough. Our version of 'enough' is too big. We think we have to be superhuman. We forget how tired we are and therefore forget to be gentle with ourselves. The real version of 'enough' is just that: the minimal that you do to ensure love and safety is enough. Enough, I tell you. And no, I am not tired of saying it. I will say it until you believe. ENOUGH.
2. Let go of the guilt
'Frozen' didn't exist back in 2007, but I would sing it to you now. 'Let it go, let it go...' Seriously let it go. Is there any more crippling emotion than guilt? Your kids are fine. They will be fine. It is not going to hurt them if you don't have the energy to play another game with them. It won't kill them to realize that Mommy gets tired too. If they have to cry while you feed their sibling, it's okay. If you can't do much more in the run of a day than to keep the house standing, that is okay. If they have to play independently for a while so you can lay down and rest, they will be okay. No child ever died from Mommy needing a break. If your general pattern is to love on them and if your home is secure and loving and their basic needs are met, it's really, really okay to let the baby cry for a few minutes while you sit and read with your toddler. Trust me. No one is doing this gig better than you and certainly no one ever won an award for being most-stretched-thin mom. Take a break. Leave them with your husband when he gets home and go to Chapters. Or chat with a friend. Or whatever rejuvenates you.
3. God is there
Sometimes He can feel far away, but honestly, and I promise you this, He is right there beside you. He promises to gently lead those who have young children (Isaiah 40:11) and He promises to never leave your side. And I am here, all these years later, to tell you: It is all true. So reach out to Him and draw from His strength. Also, another verse in the Bible tells us to think on what is true (Philippians 4:8). And the truth? You are a good mom. If you got up this morning and kissed your babies, you are a good mom. Any decision you make that is based on the good of your family, means that you are a good mom.
4. This will pass
Newsflash: It does end. All those ladies who stop you in the grocery to store to tell you to 'enjoy it because it goes so fast' actually mean it. I will personally rip their heads off for you about the 'enjoy it' part because let's face it, a lot of what you're going through is actually not enjoyable. We'll talk more about 'joy' next, but for now let me say: It really, truly does go by so very fast. The days feel utterly long and endless sometimes but the years fly by. Soon you will have elementary age children and you will look back on these days of babyhood with longing. (Not really. But that's not my point.)
5. Find the little moments of joy
Now, it's really hard to enjoy these babyhood days. Really, really hard. It's hard to feel joy when you're changing your tenth diaper in a day. Or joy when you step in poop, or find your baby eating his poop, or anything related to poop. It's hard to enjoy it when you've had no sleep the night before and your toddler keeps tantrumming and your baby is going through a growth spurt and won't stop nursing. It's just plain hard. But what I will tell you is this: Find moments to enjoy. Because there are moments of joy. When your little boy sees you weeping on the floor because you forget who you are and he comes over and hugs you (this really happened to me). When your baby smiles their first full-on grin. And sometimes it's about making the moments of joy for yourself. Boiling water for tea. Turning on your favourite restful music. Watching a show during nap time. Going for a walk in the clear fresh air. Remembering to breathe. Just breathe. You will come out of this alive and intact and with amazing children.
6. Ask for help
And last of all, remember to ask for help. My mom was close by and so I did get lots of help from her. But I think there were times when I needed help and didn't ask. I think it would have done wonders for my sanity if I'd asked her once in a while to come get the toddler so I could focus on the baby. (And who knows maybe I did do this. It was all such a fog I think I actually have holes in my brain from it.) (I know I'm writing this to myself technically, but here's a good tip: If you're not near your mom, look for someone else in your life to ask for a breather. If there is someone who would gladly take your toddler off your hands for a while, then ask.) Let go of the guilt that you have to be their everything all the time and just ask.
Okay I think that's all I needed to say. Hang in there, little mama.
And now here I am, on the other side. Somewhere in all that fog I got pregnant again and had my first girl. Suddenly I am the mom of a ten-year-old, eight-year-old and six-year old. I am witness to the fact that life levels out again. Things get better. Soon those toddlers and babies are able to get themselves in and out of the car, to wipe their own bottoms, to dress and feed themselves. Sure, I am still needed. Supper still must be cooked, groceries done and house cleaned and of course the bulk of it falls to me. But the emotional and physical drain on my heart and soul is not nearly as bone-shatteringly tiring. I sound dramatic, but anyone who has been in my shoes knows what I'm talking about.
If I could, I would go back in time to have a chat with myself. And this is what I would say:
1. You are ENOUGH
These particular children were given to you for a reason. You are the best possible mom for them and you are enough. You. Are. Enough. I know it doesn't feel like it, but just feeding and clothing those precious babies is enough. Just being there is enough. I know in writing you're not supposed to keep saying the same word over and over, but I must say it again: YOU ARE ENOUGH. It doesn't matter if all those other moms are crafting and pinteresting and have angelic looking children because you know what? They don't. You find me a mom that is always that perfectly put together and perfectly perfect, and I will tell you that trolls are actually real. All those other moms with 'good' children? Don't exist. Even if it seems like it and I promise that at times it does seem like it, but I am here to tell you that they do not exist. Every other mother that you know, has held poop in her hands. She has yelled at her kids and sometimes she wants to run away. If she tells you that none of this has happened, then she is flat out lying to your face. So, back to my original point, you are enough. If you love your babies and keep everyone fed and alive, you are enough. Our version of 'enough' is too big. We think we have to be superhuman. We forget how tired we are and therefore forget to be gentle with ourselves. The real version of 'enough' is just that: the minimal that you do to ensure love and safety is enough. Enough, I tell you. And no, I am not tired of saying it. I will say it until you believe. ENOUGH.
2. Let go of the guilt
'Frozen' didn't exist back in 2007, but I would sing it to you now. 'Let it go, let it go...' Seriously let it go. Is there any more crippling emotion than guilt? Your kids are fine. They will be fine. It is not going to hurt them if you don't have the energy to play another game with them. It won't kill them to realize that Mommy gets tired too. If they have to cry while you feed their sibling, it's okay. If you can't do much more in the run of a day than to keep the house standing, that is okay. If they have to play independently for a while so you can lay down and rest, they will be okay. No child ever died from Mommy needing a break. If your general pattern is to love on them and if your home is secure and loving and their basic needs are met, it's really, really okay to let the baby cry for a few minutes while you sit and read with your toddler. Trust me. No one is doing this gig better than you and certainly no one ever won an award for being most-stretched-thin mom. Take a break. Leave them with your husband when he gets home and go to Chapters. Or chat with a friend. Or whatever rejuvenates you.
3. God is there
Sometimes He can feel far away, but honestly, and I promise you this, He is right there beside you. He promises to gently lead those who have young children (Isaiah 40:11) and He promises to never leave your side. And I am here, all these years later, to tell you: It is all true. So reach out to Him and draw from His strength. Also, another verse in the Bible tells us to think on what is true (Philippians 4:8). And the truth? You are a good mom. If you got up this morning and kissed your babies, you are a good mom. Any decision you make that is based on the good of your family, means that you are a good mom.
4. This will pass
Newsflash: It does end. All those ladies who stop you in the grocery to store to tell you to 'enjoy it because it goes so fast' actually mean it. I will personally rip their heads off for you about the 'enjoy it' part because let's face it, a lot of what you're going through is actually not enjoyable. We'll talk more about 'joy' next, but for now let me say: It really, truly does go by so very fast. The days feel utterly long and endless sometimes but the years fly by. Soon you will have elementary age children and you will look back on these days of babyhood with longing. (Not really. But that's not my point.)
5. Find the little moments of joy
Now, it's really hard to enjoy these babyhood days. Really, really hard. It's hard to feel joy when you're changing your tenth diaper in a day. Or joy when you step in poop, or find your baby eating his poop, or anything related to poop. It's hard to enjoy it when you've had no sleep the night before and your toddler keeps tantrumming and your baby is going through a growth spurt and won't stop nursing. It's just plain hard. But what I will tell you is this: Find moments to enjoy. Because there are moments of joy. When your little boy sees you weeping on the floor because you forget who you are and he comes over and hugs you (this really happened to me). When your baby smiles their first full-on grin. And sometimes it's about making the moments of joy for yourself. Boiling water for tea. Turning on your favourite restful music. Watching a show during nap time. Going for a walk in the clear fresh air. Remembering to breathe. Just breathe. You will come out of this alive and intact and with amazing children.
6. Ask for help
And last of all, remember to ask for help. My mom was close by and so I did get lots of help from her. But I think there were times when I needed help and didn't ask. I think it would have done wonders for my sanity if I'd asked her once in a while to come get the toddler so I could focus on the baby. (And who knows maybe I did do this. It was all such a fog I think I actually have holes in my brain from it.) (I know I'm writing this to myself technically, but here's a good tip: If you're not near your mom, look for someone else in your life to ask for a breather. If there is someone who would gladly take your toddler off your hands for a while, then ask.) Let go of the guilt that you have to be their everything all the time and just ask.
Okay I think that's all I needed to say. Hang in there, little mama.
Friday, 29 May 2015
Friday links
I had a whole bunch of articles to share today, but realized most of them revolved around the Duggars. That whole thing has made me so exhausted and so now I refuse to think about it any more or share anything about it with you. I do feel really disillusioned by Christianity at large and I think it's really time for Jesus to come back. There is too much mess and brokenness and my soul can't take it any more.
Without further ado, the links:
The only article remotely related to the topic that I'm going to share is this one. And that is because I think it highlights where many, many Christians go wrong (myself included).
And once again, Jess convicts and encourages with this post on what we should be teaching our kids.
Monday, 18 May 2015
Worry and peace
The older I get, them more I realize how fear-filled most of us are. My friends who public-school their kids worry that the world will whisk their children away, among a myriad of other fears. My friends (and myself) who homeschool carry a whole host of other worries: will our kids get a good enough education? Will they resent us for keeping them home? And so, so many more. Education is just the tip of the iceberg though. There are all the other worries about our kids' health, our health, parenting in general, the world at large. Life has proven to many of us that it is not be trusted. You can't read the news without coming away feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. People we love get sick, die. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. Everywhere we turn we see injustice reigning. Life just feels like a crap shoot sometimes.
A lot of nights, even days, anxiety gnaws away at my chest and in my gut. The what ifs and the what nows just overwhelm to the point that I feel physically ill. I try to pray and leave it all with God and yet the darkness lingers. I've always wondered why that is, why I can't let go of worry. Today in my devotional, Nancy Leigh DeMoss shed some light onto something that I probably should have noticed long ago:
And that is the key of the whole thing: gratitude. Thankfulness. Seeing what is already before you and remembering to praise Him for it. Instead of worrying about whether my child is going to get some deadly disease, I need to thank God that they are healthy today. Instead of worrying about how we'll stretch our finances in the next few months, be thankful that today there is food on the table. Rather than worry about how our kids will turn out, be thankful that there is a God Who loves them even more than we do. And that kind of gratitude works against any worry that implants itself in our hearts.
** Things have been quiet on my blog lately due to some stuff going on in my personal life. But I am now back to regular posting. **
A lot of nights, even days, anxiety gnaws away at my chest and in my gut. The what ifs and the what nows just overwhelm to the point that I feel physically ill. I try to pray and leave it all with God and yet the darkness lingers. I've always wondered why that is, why I can't let go of worry. Today in my devotional, Nancy Leigh DeMoss shed some light onto something that I probably should have noticed long ago:
"You can and should pray about (worry), of course. But praying is not all you can do. "Do not be anxious about anything," the apostle Paul wrote, in a much-loved passage of Scripture, "but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil. 4:6). Then what? "The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (verse 7). When prayer teams up with gratitude, when you open your eyes wide enough to look for God's mercies in the midst of your pain, He meets you with His indescribable peace. It's a promise: prayer + thanksgiving = peace. Prayer is vital, yes. But to really experience His peace in the midst of problems, you must come to Him with gratitude. Costly gratitude. The kind that trusts He is working for your good even in unpleasant circumstances. The kind that garrisons your troubled heart and mind with His unexplainable peace."
And that is the key of the whole thing: gratitude. Thankfulness. Seeing what is already before you and remembering to praise Him for it. Instead of worrying about whether my child is going to get some deadly disease, I need to thank God that they are healthy today. Instead of worrying about how we'll stretch our finances in the next few months, be thankful that today there is food on the table. Rather than worry about how our kids will turn out, be thankful that there is a God Who loves them even more than we do. And that kind of gratitude works against any worry that implants itself in our hearts.
** Things have been quiet on my blog lately due to some stuff going on in my personal life. But I am now back to regular posting. **
Monday, 27 April 2015
Hymns
I am pretty sure there isn't much more in this life more beautiful than a hymn. When I listen to a hymn, it makes me feel close to God, and fills my soul in a satisfying way. I personally think the old traditional hymns are best, although I know there are some gems in our modern repertoire as well. But in my opinion, the old hymn writers were inspired by God in a way that I think our modern writers are missing out on. I'm not exactly sure why this is, but there you have it.
But really, how can you not be fed by the words of the following hymns?
He leadeth me, O blessed thought!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
O words with heav’nly comfort fraught!
Whate’er I do, where’er I be
Still ’tis God’s hand that leadeth me.
Were the whole realm of nature mine,
That were an offering far too small.
Love so amazing, so divine;
Demands my soul, my life, my all.
- Swift to its close ebbs out life’s little day;Earth’s joys grow dim, its glories pass away;Change and decay in all around I see—O Thou who changest not, abide with me.
I stand amazed in the presence
Of Jesus the Nazarene,
And wonder how He could love me,
A sinner, condemned, unclean.
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
It is well, it is well with my soul.
I know not why God’s wondrous grace
To me He hath made known,
To me He hath made known,
Nor why, unworthy, Christ in love
Redeemed me for His own.
- All the way my Saviour leads me,Cheers each winding path I tread,Gives me grace for every trial,Feeds me with the living Bread.Though my weary steps may falterAnd my soul athirst may be,Gushing from the Rock before me,Lo! A spring of joy I see;Gushing from the Rock before me,Lo! A spring of joy I see.
Turn your eyes upon Jesus,
Look full in His wonderful face,
And the things of earth will grow strangely dim,
In the light of His glory and grace.
I am hard pressed to decide which of these hymns are my favourites. I love them all!
Which hymns do you love? What is your favourite? Or do you prefer modern worship songs?
Monday, 20 April 2015
Books I love
I have read a lot of books in my lifetime. Learning to read came easily to me and since I learned how at age six, I've been hooked. I distinctly remember in grade two, my teacher was reading us Ramona Quimby, Age 8 and for some reason I picked the book up myself and realized, hey, I can read this for myself! And that was it. I've been reading ever since. There have been lulls. I haven't always had the time to read as much I like to. Especially when I had my first two babies I lost myself a bit in sea of diapers and feedings and didn't really much in that fog of time. I will not typically just read anything; I'm rather picky actually. If I start a book I am not loving, I stop reading it. Life's too short to read something that isn't grabbing my attention. As for genres, I enjoy mystery, memoir, thriller (some, depends on how graphic), Christian (some, depends on how banal), self-help (some, depends on who's written it), biography/autobiography, some bestsellers/bestselling popular authors.
But where am I going with all of this? Well, I've been thinking about the written word and how essential and important it is, for me at least, to learn from what others have written. Whether fiction or non-fiction, there is usually something to learned or gained from 'hearing' an author's voice. The other day I was thinking about my top favourite books and how important they have been in shaping my thought process as I learn and grow as a mom and wife, as well as my Christian walk. Today I'm going to share five books that have resonated with me so deeply that I haven't forgotten the messages I've learned from them to this day. These are all non-fiction works; maybe someday I will compile a list of my top five favourite fiction books.
1. A Woman's High Calling by Elizabeth George
This first one I read while in the midst of baby fog almost ten years ago. It's been so long that I actually don't remember much about the book, but I do know that it was pivotal in my decision to stay home with my kids. I'd always vaguely assumed I'd stay home with them since that's what my mom did. But then it was easy to talk myself out of it when my job was so great and the extra cash was nice. So when my first born was a year old, I went back to work. Reading this book however, opened my eyes to just how important it is for kids to have their moms home. (Please don't take this as a judgement if you work outside the home; I understand that a lot of moms have to work, or simply enjoy working, but this is about my journey and my choices.) And yes, I know that the Bible talks about women being 'keepers at home' but sometimes it helps to have someone spell out the 'why' of certain Biblical suggestions. Anyway, I found this book extremely thought-provoking for me at the time.
2. Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow
I read this one probably about eight years ago. It was one of the few books I managed to read at that time, but it was for my women's book study so I 'had' to read it and I am so glad I did! It's probably the best book on marriage that I've ever read. Whether your husband is a grump or the gentlest man alive, there is help for any wife. In my case, my husband is very gentle and unassuming. I, on the other hand, am very opinionated and bossy. So, I tended to walk all over him. This book totally put me in my place. Again, the Bible tells wives to be respectful to their husbands, but I kind of needed to be told, in today's terms, that my behaviour was not okay. Our marriage has never been awful, but I can definitely say that working on myself to become a better wife has done absolute wonders for our relationship.
3. Am I Messing Up My Kids by Lysa TerKeurst
I read this book a couple of years ago and it was such a healing balm for my soul. I carried a lot of guilt for the way I handled my kids in the first few years of parenting. I was just so hard on them and expected so much from them (especially my first born) and it's been really hard to let that heavy feeling of guilt go. But when I read this book, and actually it's a little study with room to write answers, it felt so refreshing. Lysa reminded me of God's great love for me and my kids and how His love covers and erases everything. There is no reason for me to carry guilt around like a deadweight. It still hasn't been easy to let go of it, but there has been huge healing happening in my heart.
4. Hope for the Weary Mom by Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin
This book. I have always been quite vocal about my dislike of parenting books. I despise people making parenting into a formula to follow: if you do x, y, z, your kids will turn out into perfect little minions. It drives me nuts and for years I felt like the worst parent ever because those formulas did not work for me. My kids and I are far too sinful for any old formula. Anyway, this book was so healing for my soul. I cried buckets over this book as my heart cried 'yes' over and over. Because honestly? I found being a mom exhausting. There were many times I actually hated it. But this book made me realize that all moms feel that way from time to time (even if they don't admit it). It validated my feelings while also offering hope and practicality for how to manage the stress I was feeling.
5. Kisses From Katie by Katie J. Davis
This book was a departure from the usual parenting/being a wife/help for the Christian kind of book that I normally read. It was about missions and Katie's calling to Africa to be a missionary, which is so far from my comfort zone. I cried buckets over this book too, simply because it brought to light the very deep need in this world, and how the western civilizations are so spoiled and caught up in their own lives. It opened my eyes to a side of the world that I had not really ever thought too much about before. But not only that, it awakened me to the realization that being a missionary doesn't always mean being called to the mission field, but being a good steward of what God has entrusted me with at this moment.
There are so many honourable mentions and it was so hard to narrow this list down. But these five books are the ones that I felt the most deeply and were most life-changing for me.
But where am I going with all of this? Well, I've been thinking about the written word and how essential and important it is, for me at least, to learn from what others have written. Whether fiction or non-fiction, there is usually something to learned or gained from 'hearing' an author's voice. The other day I was thinking about my top favourite books and how important they have been in shaping my thought process as I learn and grow as a mom and wife, as well as my Christian walk. Today I'm going to share five books that have resonated with me so deeply that I haven't forgotten the messages I've learned from them to this day. These are all non-fiction works; maybe someday I will compile a list of my top five favourite fiction books.
1. A Woman's High Calling by Elizabeth George
This first one I read while in the midst of baby fog almost ten years ago. It's been so long that I actually don't remember much about the book, but I do know that it was pivotal in my decision to stay home with my kids. I'd always vaguely assumed I'd stay home with them since that's what my mom did. But then it was easy to talk myself out of it when my job was so great and the extra cash was nice. So when my first born was a year old, I went back to work. Reading this book however, opened my eyes to just how important it is for kids to have their moms home. (Please don't take this as a judgement if you work outside the home; I understand that a lot of moms have to work, or simply enjoy working, but this is about my journey and my choices.) And yes, I know that the Bible talks about women being 'keepers at home' but sometimes it helps to have someone spell out the 'why' of certain Biblical suggestions. Anyway, I found this book extremely thought-provoking for me at the time.
2. Creative Counterpart by Linda Dillow
I read this one probably about eight years ago. It was one of the few books I managed to read at that time, but it was for my women's book study so I 'had' to read it and I am so glad I did! It's probably the best book on marriage that I've ever read. Whether your husband is a grump or the gentlest man alive, there is help for any wife. In my case, my husband is very gentle and unassuming. I, on the other hand, am very opinionated and bossy. So, I tended to walk all over him. This book totally put me in my place. Again, the Bible tells wives to be respectful to their husbands, but I kind of needed to be told, in today's terms, that my behaviour was not okay. Our marriage has never been awful, but I can definitely say that working on myself to become a better wife has done absolute wonders for our relationship.
3. Am I Messing Up My Kids by Lysa TerKeurst
I read this book a couple of years ago and it was such a healing balm for my soul. I carried a lot of guilt for the way I handled my kids in the first few years of parenting. I was just so hard on them and expected so much from them (especially my first born) and it's been really hard to let that heavy feeling of guilt go. But when I read this book, and actually it's a little study with room to write answers, it felt so refreshing. Lysa reminded me of God's great love for me and my kids and how His love covers and erases everything. There is no reason for me to carry guilt around like a deadweight. It still hasn't been easy to let go of it, but there has been huge healing happening in my heart.
4. Hope for the Weary Mom by Stacey Thacker and Brooke McGlothlin
This book. I have always been quite vocal about my dislike of parenting books. I despise people making parenting into a formula to follow: if you do x, y, z, your kids will turn out into perfect little minions. It drives me nuts and for years I felt like the worst parent ever because those formulas did not work for me. My kids and I are far too sinful for any old formula. Anyway, this book was so healing for my soul. I cried buckets over this book as my heart cried 'yes' over and over. Because honestly? I found being a mom exhausting. There were many times I actually hated it. But this book made me realize that all moms feel that way from time to time (even if they don't admit it). It validated my feelings while also offering hope and practicality for how to manage the stress I was feeling.
5. Kisses From Katie by Katie J. Davis
This book was a departure from the usual parenting/being a wife/help for the Christian kind of book that I normally read. It was about missions and Katie's calling to Africa to be a missionary, which is so far from my comfort zone. I cried buckets over this book too, simply because it brought to light the very deep need in this world, and how the western civilizations are so spoiled and caught up in their own lives. It opened my eyes to a side of the world that I had not really ever thought too much about before. But not only that, it awakened me to the realization that being a missionary doesn't always mean being called to the mission field, but being a good steward of what God has entrusted me with at this moment.
There are so many honourable mentions and it was so hard to narrow this list down. But these five books are the ones that I felt the most deeply and were most life-changing for me.
Sunday, 12 April 2015
A look back
A few years ago, I wrote this list, probably on a day when I needed to remember why I do love my life.
Here is what I wrote:
Ten Reasons I Love Being a Mommy:
Here is what I wrote:
Ten Reasons I Love Being a Mommy:
1. Sloppy wet kisses from rowdy little boys
2. Little arms wrapping around my waist went I crouch down to pick something up
3. A little baby voice saying, "Mama"
4. Watching a baby girl grow into a toddler girl
5. Conversations about God before bed
6. Sweet little chipmunk voices, chattering incessantly
7. Laughter while playing a game together
8. Watching two little boys gain little bits of maturity
9. Chubby baby hands
10. And, dare I say it? All the mess, all the diapers, all the exasperation, and even the countless pieces of Lego I've stepped on. I am slowly starting to realize these days are not going to last forever and am trying to cherish the moments.
So, it's a few years later, and I decided to come up with a list of the reasons I love being a mom now. My kids are a bit older and some things have changed, for example: chipmunk voices are slowly disappearing. Wah!!!
Here is what I've come up with now:
1. Hearing the sounds of hockey being played in the basement by two brothers who are also best friends
2. Playing endless games of Memory, Uno and Candy Land with a sweet girl
3. Conversations that have more depth and questions that require more thought to answer
4. Seeing who my kids are becoming ... seeing how much more work we need to do and realizing at this point there is still lots of time
5. Watching their humour develop, listening to their jokes and funny stories
6. The hearty, delicious laugh of a five year old girl
7. Seeing each of their uniqueness: their likes, dislikes, and how different they are from each other
8. The independence they are all starting to show (which means mama has more free time)
9. Homeschooling and being able to stay home with them
10. Knowing that a lot of the hard work is behind me, and being able to enjoy the fruits of that
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I think it highlights what being a mom means to me. I'm really loving this stage my kids are in. (And kind of hoping that it's not the calm before the storm of teenage years!)
So, it's a few years later, and I decided to come up with a list of the reasons I love being a mom now. My kids are a bit older and some things have changed, for example: chipmunk voices are slowly disappearing. Wah!!!
Here is what I've come up with now:
1. Hearing the sounds of hockey being played in the basement by two brothers who are also best friends
2. Playing endless games of Memory, Uno and Candy Land with a sweet girl
3. Conversations that have more depth and questions that require more thought to answer
4. Seeing who my kids are becoming ... seeing how much more work we need to do and realizing at this point there is still lots of time
5. Watching their humour develop, listening to their jokes and funny stories
6. The hearty, delicious laugh of a five year old girl
7. Seeing each of their uniqueness: their likes, dislikes, and how different they are from each other
8. The independence they are all starting to show (which means mama has more free time)
9. Homeschooling and being able to stay home with them
10. Knowing that a lot of the hard work is behind me, and being able to enjoy the fruits of that
This is by no means an exhaustive list, but I think it highlights what being a mom means to me. I'm really loving this stage my kids are in. (And kind of hoping that it's not the calm before the storm of teenage years!)
Friday, 10 April 2015
Friday links
Happy Friday!!
I hope everyone had a lovely Easter, remembering the death and resurrection of Jesus! Because He lives we can face tomorrow... and honestly, I would not be able to get out of bed in the morning if I didn't have this hope living inside of me! So thankful for Him.
Here are some links that I hope you'll enjoy or find inspiring!
Although I don't necessarily want my children roaming the neighbourhood, I thought this article was spot-on! I love how she calls out today's parenting.
I love what this lady has to say about how our emotions get so tied up with our parenting - and how that's a huge hindrance.
I thought this post gave some great tips on the prevention of sexual abuse. It's sad this conversation needs to be had, but there it is.
Let's "Mom-Up"!! Great encouragement from Kelly.
Helpful tips for choosing next year's curriculum. I agreed 100% with her list.
Made this quick and easy meal for my family this week and it was a major hit! Will definitely keep it in my arsenal of tried and true recipes.
Love this idea! It's a great way to support other moms in need. I especially love their Earring of the Month Club... I might have to put my birthday money towards this.
Happiest of weekends!
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