Tired and repost

Is anyone else as exhausted and horrified by the Duggar scandal as I am? I don't think I have one coherent thought to share, I feel so drained by it all.

So because of that, I am reposting a few thoughts from my old blog:

Some days, everything feels like a little bit too much. 

I yell at my kids too much.

I snark at my husband too much.

There is too much mess in my head and my heart. 

And not enough.

I am not enough like Christ.

I am not enough as a mom, a wife, a person. 

Nothing I do is ever enough.

The paradox of these two things Too Much and Not Enough is like a pendulum on which I swing all day long. It feels heavy and empty all at the same time.

Life is rough. I am dealing with my kids' mess - in their rooms and hearts - with my husband's idiosyncrasies, with my own demons that taunt and threaten. It never stops.

And then a close extended relative gets a scary diagnosis and suddenly the fragility of life hits me. This husband and these kids, are a gift. The very air we breathe is so very precious. All of us, only here for a heartbeat in time. The days that stretch so endlessly are but a vapor.

So I am reminded to be grateful. The husband that irritates, I will hold his hand and smile at him. The kids that fray my last nerve, I will hold them close and speak to them with kindness.

I am reminded to breathe deeply of God's mercy and grace. He, who has allowed me to be with these precious people for now. He begs me to let Him hold all my Too Much and to fill my Not Enough. After all, He has my family and all my days sitting safely in the palm of His hand.