Perspective is a wonderful thing

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time. When I first became a mom, I had no clue what I was doing. Combine that with holding myself and my firstborn up to unattainably high standards and it pretty much caused an implosion within myself. I recently read somewhere about a mom who feels as though each couple of years, another layer of fog lifts and she feels more secure and confident in parenting. I totally related to that. I have learned so, so much over the last ten years. Ten years. Oh my, I can hardly believe my firstborn is going to be ten this year! Where has the time gone, and yet, sometimes those years felt like they would never end.

I distinctly remember one time, shortly after I had my second baby, sitting on the middle of my kitchen floor, crying my eyes out. I couldn't do it. I had a 20 month old, active, rambunctious boy, with a new, month-old baby. They were both in diapers and to breastfeed the baby, I had to lock all three of us in a bedroom that contained only a bed and some toys so that I didn't have to jump up mid feed and take the toddler out of a danger zone. It was hard. I felt overwhelmed, tired, and I had absolutely no clue who I was or how I got there.

The days felt so unendurably long. I'd wake up in the morning and literally dread my day. I was hard on myself, felt constantly guilty about everything, and it didn't get better. My toddler became a little boy and my baby became a toddler. I freaked out over every little thing, stayed in an endless funk, and was way too hard on my oldest because he wasn't behaving the way I thought he should be.

Then came the school years and another baby. Then a decision to homeschool. And it's only very, very recently, like in the last six months, that I'm finally, finally starting to feel a wee bit confident and at peace with the whole parenting gig. I'm finally learning to let go a bit on the unrealistic expectations, to feel a bit more like I can breathe. I feel like I can enjoy life again, like I finally at long last remember who I am.

Think back over the last ten years, I wish I could go back in time, and if I could, this is what I would tell myself:

Don't freak out over every little mistake they or you make. You'll remember none of those mistakes years later. If perchance you do remember some of those mistakes - let them go. It's never too late to start over.

This too shall pass. The sleepless nights, the tantrum years, the potty training, the weaning, the picky eating - it all either gets better or ends. They do grow up.

Let go of the guilt. Truly. It only eats you up and steals your joy. Let it go.

Enjoy them. I hated when people said that to me but it's the absolute truth. I wish with all my heart I could go back and soak up every minute of their baby and toddler years with my fresh new outlook. (But only for a day...)

Keep low expectations, but pick your battles. Rules are necessary but not everything needs to have a rule. Pick what is important to you and work on that. Giving in on things you don't care about once in a while will not make or break them. Giving in on things that matter to you deeply? Don't. Stand your ground and stay firm.

Love, love, love them. I was much too harsh and impatient (and I am still working on this, but I feel softer now) and wish I told them more that I love them. I wish I had hugged them and kissed them more. (And I realize I still have them with me, so I try to implement this every day.)

I realize this all makes me sound like an old lady with no kids left in my nest, but I do honestly feel like I have some perspective now that I didn't have before. And it also reminds me to take my own advice and enjoy them while they're still under my roof.

It's no big secret or anything. I think it's just that somewhere along the way I learned that it's okay. It's okay for me to mess up, pick myself up and try again. It's okay if my kids mess up. It's okay to chill out and try to have fun with them rather than constantly waiting for bedtime to come. (Does anyone else do that?) But I think it's also that to have three tiny kids (a four year old, a two year old and a newborn) shouldn't be underestimated. It is hard, tough work. It all starts to get better when they become more independent and reasonable. I just wish I'd shown myself and them a lot more grace in the middle of it all back then.

Friday links.

It's Friday again!! The weeks are just flying by for me! Which is a good thing as far as I'm concerned. The quicker spring comes the better. I'm starting to go a little stir-crazy from all the snow. I just want to sit on my deck and breathe in the smell of spring!

Some links I came across this week:

Watch this video and weep. A few years ago an Iranian-American pastor got arrested in Iran for being a Christian. This video is his wife giving a little speech at a conference. So inspiring!!

Jess gives some thoughts on why writing a blog is not insignificant. I found this helpful as I'm constantly second-guessing my own blogging. I hope that I can grow my own blog into something that will one day encourage women. She gave me the boost to keep going!

Found this recipe and tried it out at a potluck last Sunday. It was a major hit!! It's super easy to make and everyone loved it! Will definitely make it again and the recipe needs to be shared.

Happy weekend!

Food.

Anyone who knows me, knows that I've always maintained that I hate cooking. When I first got married, I had no clue about meal planning and feeding my husband and I tasty, cheap meals. We lived off frozen nuggets, eating out, eating at my mom's, and the occasional meal that I deigned to cook. By the time we had two kids, I was starting to realize that it was my job to keep my family fed. Taking one baby to my mom's most nights for supper was -although bordering on silliness- still manageable, but dragging two kids out? It was not healthy for anyone. I started attempting to cook more but our meals were still half-hearted and lazy on my part and more often than not, I guilted my husband into taking us out or pouted that we couldn't. I didn't seem to understand that cooking filling meals for my family was my JOB.

I am not entirely sure what changed, but by the time I had my third child, I was starting to get the idea that I needed to invest myself more in my cooking. I started cooking simple, but tasty meals for my family. Although I didn't have a huge arsenal of meals to choose from, I did know how to cook a few. And I started trying out new recipes. By trial and error I found some new favourites and all of a sudden I was off a new journey - that of cooking for my family. I still didn't love it. I still balked and complained. I still pouted from time to time. But those times became few and far between. 

And you know what? Somewhere along the way, I started to *gulp* enjoy it. I admit that I don't love meal planning, but if I have an idea of what to cook for supper, I most often enjoy placing that meal on the table for my family. I have found a lot of satisfaction in making sure that my family is fed hearty, tasty meals. That doesn't mean that I never serve frozen nuggets or toss in a frozen pizza. I think every busy mom does that from time to time. But overall, I'm finding that there is great fulfilment in feeding my family. 

Cooking on an extremely tight budget is not easy and I do not always do it right. I'm still learning, still experimenting, still trying and failing. I have my ups and downs where I get so bored of the weekly rotation of meals, but I've found lots of great new recipes online and from friends. My cooking is nothing to write home about but I think I've found a good balance between simple and tasty.

I sit down every week and make a six-day meal plan, and my make my grocery list of whatever I need for the coming week. Then I do my shopping. I don't plan specific meals per specific days, but I decide when I get up in the morning what I'm going to cook for supper that night and do what I need to do to prepare: throw something in the slow cooker, take out a package of meat to thaw, etc. 

My favourite time of day though, is when supper is over and the kitchen is cleaned up. I love the feeling of satisfaction that it gives me.

Friday links.

This week's link-up is a little different since I didn't really have any new articles to share so I thought I'd show you what I've been up to lately instead! 

What I'm reading:

I got The Quiet Place by Nancy Leigh DeMoss for Christmas. It's a daily devotional and I'm loving it! Nancy is someone who grew up in a Christian home and has so much to offer in the way of insight. While I love to read stories and testimonies of people who have found God in the deepest and darkest of broken places, it is also lovely to hear about someone who has found God even in a more sheltered life. I realize that Nancy, as a human being, is as 'broken' as the next person, but her upbringing being what it was, she has a unique perspective. In a lot of ways, she reminds me of a younger Elisabeth Elliot.

What I've found online:

On a completely different note, I recently found a new-to-me blog by the Hollywood Housewife. I love, love, love it. She is real, relate-able, and funny. She has depth and honesty going for her but mostly it's a light-hearted, fun blog. She's also an avid reader and I love reading her book reviews! She's married to a Hollywood director, who directs movies that I'd never see because of the raunch-factor, but her blog is about her, and her little family and I love how it feels like I'm having a little peek into a life that is so far removed from what I know.

What I'm doing:

Surviving winter is pretty much it. Getting through the school day. Planning next year's curriculum. Trying my best to be a good mom and trying to let go of the guilt. Planning fun things to do so that I don't go nuts from all the snow and cold. Knitting. Reading. Cooking and baking.

What I'm listening to:

Found this gem recently. I like a lot of different music and my taste varies depending on my mood. But I must admit that there is nothing in this world quite like a hymn. An old hymn feeds my soul in a way most modern hymns and songs can't. Now, I realize that this is not an old hymn, but it gives me the same soul-satisfying, calming feeling that I get when I hear or sing hymns. So I love it and listen to it over and over.

Book review: The War of Art.

I've been talking about this book in my last two posts now and I finally finished reading it, so I think it's time to review!

Okay, so yes, the book's premise I found to be totally fascinating. In all, I enjoyed reading it and found it to be very eye-opening. That being said, there was a lot in it that I either didn't necessarily agree with, or that I just found a little bit far-fetched. The author, Steven Pressfield, tended to over-spiritualize some concepts and I thought it was a little bit tedious at times.

But the main premise of the book is this: All of us having something that we are meant to do, a talent that we know we possess, but more often than not, we do nothing about it because of - what he terms - Resistance. Resistance, he says, is the single enemy to us moving forward in our 'art', whether that be writing (in his case and mine), painting, cooking, or any other thing that human beings take an interest in. According to Steven, Resistance keeps us from being our true selves; it's the thing that holds us back. He goes even further by saying that this Resistance not only holds back our talent, but also things like dieting, discipline, exercise, etc. I found this to be so interesting. Because honestly? When I get up in the morning, and think that I should really eat more healthy, or exercise a bit that day, all I feel is a wall. And I think he's right: it's a wall of Resistance. He goes so far as to claim that there would be no need for prisons, nor would there be any crime if human beings were able to overcome this Resistance. By giving in to Resistance and not overcoming it, we then turn to any number of vices: alcohol, drugs, food, etc. These vices are the easy way out rather than working hard at what it is we are called to do.

I love this concept. I'd never thought of it that way before but I feel like he's right. I haven't completely sorted out yet how this fits in with my Christian perspective, but I think it all fits together. Although, maybe what he terms 'Resistance', I would just term 'sin nature'. But regardless, I found it a great read and highly recommend if you are struggling in what you consider your 'art'.

I feel the need to give a fair warning that from time to time he throws in a 'bad word' if that's the kind of thing that bothers you.

Pretty much nothing.

So here I am, the day before another post is due on my blog and I got nothin'. My plan was to write lots of posts in advance and kind of keep ahead of myself so that I don't run into this problem of no-post-ready on Sunday afternoon. I mean, it could possibly have to do with the fact that I'm a busy mom of three, plus we homeschool, plus normal household chores, plus everytime I sit down I just want to read a book or surf the internet. Or watch Youtube videos. You know, productive stuff.

Speaking of which, I deleted my Facebook account a few weeks ago. If you know me at all, you know this is huge. But it was time. I've been fake-friends with people for about eight years now and I just got so, so tired of it. The endless posting, and refreshing to see if others posted, and having no discipline in how much time I spent on it. And then the whole politics of it: Having to 'like' certain people's stuff just to keep them from getting offended or from feeling left out which led to me feeling dishonest because I only like 'liking' stuff I want to 'like'. So, so dumb. Also, I have NO self-discipline when it comes to posting things and commenting on things. So I always ended up regretting so many things and I started to realize how foolish it all is. For me, anyway. I'm not here to judge. Anyway, time will tell whether I've stopped it for good or if I am just taking a much-needed break from it.

And then there was the whole breaking-out-into-a-cold-sweat-at-the-mere-thought-of-deleting-my-account thing. That was rather disturbing. If nothing else, it showed how desperately I needed to get rid of it. It is not normal to be so attached to a website. And you know what? I don't miss it. At all. So if you're feeling like a Facebookaholic, then I highly recommend going cold-turkey.

Anyway, back to the other topic: It's working out for me nonetheless to give myself a deadline. So here I am, blathering into the cyberspace so that I can fulfil my promise to myself. I'm reading a great little book which I mentioned in my Friday links post, which I plan to do a review of soon. In it, the author discusses how if you feel it's your calling in life to be a writer then you must just start writing. He claims you will never become a pro if you don't set up writing as your job. For instance, making yourself start writing at 9am every morning for three hours. If you don't work and slave away at it, it will never become your profession. Now, writing one or two blog posts a week can hardly be called work, but it does require a measure of discipline on my part and in this season of life, with three kids still very much in demand of my time, this is probably a good start. At least I am writing with regularity.

And that is all I have for now. Happy Monday!

Friday links.

Onto another Friday!

I don't have a ton to share this week, but here goes:

This article articulated something that I've been thinking about for a long time but could never quite put into words.

I came across this this week and although I haven't tried anything from her list yet, I plan to.

Emily shares some words of wisdom on marriage and a wife's role. I always love this girl's perspective.

I'm reading this book and am fascinated. I will be sharing a review soon.

Happy weekend!