Friday links

I had a whole bunch of articles to share today, but realized most of them revolved around the Duggars. That whole thing has made me so exhausted and so now I refuse to think about it any more or share anything about it with you. I do feel really disillusioned by Christianity at large and I think it's really time for Jesus to come back. There is too much mess and brokenness and my soul can't take it any more.

Without further ado, the links:

The only article remotely related to the topic that I'm going to share is this one. And that is because I think it highlights where many, many Christians go wrong (myself included).

And once again, Jess convicts and encourages with this post on what we should be teaching our kids.

And two posts on how only God can really change our kids: here and here.

Tired and repost

Is anyone else as exhausted and horrified by the Duggar scandal as I am? I don't think I have one coherent thought to share, I feel so drained by it all.

So because of that, I am reposting a few thoughts from my old blog:

Some days, everything feels like a little bit too much. 

I yell at my kids too much.

I snark at my husband too much.

There is too much mess in my head and my heart. 

And not enough.

I am not enough like Christ.

I am not enough as a mom, a wife, a person. 

Nothing I do is ever enough.

The paradox of these two things Too Much and Not Enough is like a pendulum on which I swing all day long. It feels heavy and empty all at the same time.

Life is rough. I am dealing with my kids' mess - in their rooms and hearts - with my husband's idiosyncrasies, with my own demons that taunt and threaten. It never stops.

And then a close extended relative gets a scary diagnosis and suddenly the fragility of life hits me. This husband and these kids, are a gift. The very air we breathe is so very precious. All of us, only here for a heartbeat in time. The days that stretch so endlessly are but a vapor.

So I am reminded to be grateful. The husband that irritates, I will hold his hand and smile at him. The kids that fray my last nerve, I will hold them close and speak to them with kindness.

I am reminded to breathe deeply of God's mercy and grace. He, who has allowed me to be with these precious people for now. He begs me to let Him hold all my Too Much and to fill my Not Enough. After all, He has my family and all my days sitting safely in the palm of His hand.

Friday links

Phew! What a few weeks it has been around here! Lots of things going on, some planned and some not. But this week we were finally able to get back to a normal routine and it has felt so good. Now I'm looking forward to the end of school (Yay! There is light at the end of the tunnel!) and the beginning of summer. I never used to love summer, but after this long winter and being a homeschooling mom now, summer has taken on a deeper meaning for me. I look so forward to doing nothing and not having to cajole my kids to do anything and just resting. I see lots of evenings like this one in our future:

Links for this week:

If you have a few minutes, I highly recommend watching this video. I bawled my eyes out and thought about it for days afterwards. I love stories about the amazing grace of God.

Do you feel like you have to be 'the perfect mom'? This blog post reminds us why we need to show grace to ourselves.

This topic has been close to my heart for a very long time. There's this whole thing in Christianity about 'doing God's will', which becomes 'marrying in God's will'. That idea messed with me and the first few years of my marriage, let me tell you. Maybe I'll one day write about it but for now, this article says very well what I've always wanted to say. 

Jess once again hits the nail on the head with this article about trying to control the outcomes of our kids' lives.

And something just light-hearted and fun to lift your spirits and make you smile. 

Happy Friday and happiest of weekends!

Worry and peace

The older I get, them more I realize how fear-filled most of us are. My friends who public-school their kids worry that the world will whisk their children away, among a myriad of other fears. My friends (and myself) who homeschool carry a whole host of other worries: will our kids get a good enough education? Will they resent us for keeping them home? And so, so many more. Education is just the tip of the iceberg though. There are all the other worries about our kids' health, our health, parenting in general, the world at large. Life has proven to many of us that it is not be trusted. You can't read the news without coming away feeling like the weight of the world is on your shoulders. People we love get sick, die. Bad things happen to good people, good things happen to bad people. Everywhere we turn we see injustice reigning. Life just feels like a crap shoot sometimes.

A lot of nights, even days, anxiety gnaws away at my chest and in my gut. The what ifs and the what nows just overwhelm to the point that I feel physically ill. I try to pray and leave it all with God and yet the darkness lingers. I've always wondered why that is, why I can't let go of worry. Today in my devotional, Nancy Leigh DeMoss shed some light onto something that I probably should have noticed long ago:

"You can and should pray about (worry), of course. But praying is not all you can do. "Do not be anxious about anything," the apostle Paul wrote, in a much-loved passage of Scripture, "but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God" (Phil. 4:6). Then what? "The peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus" (verse 7). When prayer teams up with gratitude, when you open your eyes wide enough to look for God's mercies in the midst of your pain, He meets you with His indescribable peace. It's a promise: prayer + thanksgiving = peace. Prayer is vital, yes. But to really experience His peace in the midst of problems, you must come to Him with gratitude. Costly gratitude. The kind that trusts He is working for your good even in unpleasant circumstances. The kind that garrisons your troubled heart and mind with His unexplainable peace."

And that is the key of the whole thing: gratitude. Thankfulness. Seeing what is already before you and remembering to praise Him for it. Instead of worrying about whether my child is going to get some deadly disease, I need to thank God that they are healthy today. Instead of worrying about how we'll stretch our finances in the next few months, be thankful that today there is food on the table. Rather than worry about how our kids will turn out, be thankful that there is a God Who loves them even more than we do. And that kind of gratitude works against any worry that implants itself in our hearts.

** Things have been quiet on my blog lately due to some stuff going on in my personal life. But I am now back to regular posting. **